Tag: triplets

Categories
Family

Tips for buying gifts for twins and triplets

Buying gifts for twins or triplets or more is more loaded than you would think. Yep, whatever you do seems wrong, so you need to make the best choice possible.

Do you purchase something for the kids to share?

Do you get the same thing for each child and be done with it?

Or do you grab something similar for each kid?

Or get the same item but in a different colour?

These decisions are fraught and ones that I take super seriously. I spend what feels like hours at shops contemplating what would be best, and what would the outcome be? Yes, I fret over it and then sometimes have gotten it so wrong, so I wanted to share what I have done and hope it helps you with your purchases. 

As a mother to twins, this has been my dilemma since they were born. My twins are nearly fifteen now, but this present buying issue hasn’t gone away, although due to their age, they understand why we purchased one of something compared to having a tantrum demanding they have the same game or toy too!

I recently attended an eight-year-old twins birthday party and when purchasing their present I was faced with the same question, how will this impact the kids and also the parents? When the twins were little many people just gave the girls a present to share for their birthday…and this created so much chaos and drama. 


“I don’t want to share with her!”

“It’s mine, not hers!”

 “Why won’t she let me have a go? 
“Why does my sister get a present and I don’t!”

“Why do we have to share this
and why can’t I have my own!”

“I have a birthday too and deserve
a gift not just my sister!”

“I want what the same thing as she has!

Why didn’t I get the same present?”


Many of the above comments are yelled at me so hence the exclamation mark at the end of all the comments. Many times, one kid would take a gift that the other really loved and claim it as their own. Yep, and then enters more disaster with the cherished gift everyone wants.

We made sure to give our girls individual gifts for their birthday, however, if there was a big item like a huge toy that can indeed be shared or if it is a game we only purchased one of these. I did however have many things that we had two off, yes, we had two of many toys, items, books, trinkets and more. It was just easier and made the house much more peaceful. 

So, with the knowledge of what a pain in the arse it is to be on the receiving end of getting shared gifts or just one present for two kids I made sure that each girl at the birthday party had a gift for just them. I did give them the same things and wanted to get each kid something different, but I do know that this can backfire big time, crazy but true.

I’ve previously given my girls something different each, however, there would be one kid who would favour one of the gifts and then there would be a fight for that particular item and the realisation that I should have just purchased two of these products as it would have fixed the horrible annoyance that ended up happening…. Fighting over the one favoured and chosen object. I of course thought I was doing the right thing. Choosing something that would mean it is different from their sisters, shows more of their personality and interests and helps them be more of an individual….NO it didn’t get translated as any of this, all that got noticed is that mummy didn’t get me one of the toys that my sister has, and the other kid wishes she had. 

So with that in mind, I did get the eight-year-old twins the same things…. I did feel bad, but knowing what I knew, I thought it was for the best. I did feel bad as I did want to get something completely different but as a parent that has dealt with the fallout of presents for twins, I knew this was a loaded issue. One that I hope I have helped the parents of the twins avoid the negative impacts of gifts to kids who are multiples. 

I explained to the mum of the eight-year-old twins that I got them the same things to avoid arguments. She was thankful and I said I was sorry that it might not be that exciting, but I told her that I know what it is like as I have first-hand experience with my twins and appreciate the complexity of the present buying dilemma.

Here’s my gift-buying guide for twins or triplets:

  1. If you know they like to do the same things make sure to give each kid the same things; for example, If they like art, include paper, pens, paints, brushes and oil pastels to ensure there are no arguments. My twins always argued about who had what colours and paintbrushes. 

  2. If they have a favourite colour make sure to use the colours for each kid for their gifts. My kids loved purple and blue, (sometimes red) I used these colours to make sure that I had special items just for them, a new pair of pants or a top, hat or even a blanket. It doesn’t matter what it is, the difference in colour makes it more special.

  3. Make sure you give each kid a gift of their own. It doesn’t need to be expensive, just something for each kid to open on their special day. Just because they are born on the same day doesn’t mean they should always get one gift.

  4. You can give bigger ticket items as shared gifts, for example, a giant LEGO set, a game, or say a toy, a trampoline or a cubby house. Many things you don’t need two of.

  5. When they are younger it is so important to have many duplicate items but as they get older you will find that each kid will want things the other siblings don’t like, work with your kid’s interests. 

Are you a parent to multiples? How have you dealt with the present issue? Have you faced the same issues? 

Sign up for my newsletter

Stay current with all the things that are happening on Mummy to Twins Plus One. Don’t miss a thing by signing up for my newsletter. This newsletter will list all giveaways and fabulous things that are happening.

This post has affiliate links

Categories
6 years and beyond

Did we use IVF? None of your beeswax

Many people assume if you have twins you must have had IVF. Worse still, total strangers think it is perfectly fine to ask you to confirm just how your children’s conception came about.

Friends who are “older” – including those without twins – complain about attracting the same curiosity from people they barely know.

And same sex couples (“who is the father/mother?”).

The answer oh curious stranger is, “none of your business!”

Cute little baby. Who cares how you were conceived you are wonderful and beautiful.
Cute little baby. Who cares how you were conceived you are wonderful and beautiful.

Perhaps when I receive such questions, I should respond in kind by asking the stranger if he/she had sex to have their child/ren? Maybe I could throw in some other up close and personal curly questions such as their medical history and maybe what they earn?

For the record, I never answer questions about how our girls were conceived.

The reasons are simple.

  1. I don’t want to set up a “natural versus assisted conception” thing
  2. It is not just my story to tell – it’s a story shared by my family
  3. And It just doesn’t matter

Do you get asked if you used IVF? Would you feel okay asking a complete stranger if they had to have medical intervention to have their kids?

Why would I share such intimate details with a complete stranger? I don’t see any benefit in having this discussion.

Of course I would have to be living on another planet not to know couples that have used IVF due to one or both parents having an issue with fertility, or one parent having a congenital issue they don’t want to pass on or because they are a same sex couple in need of an egg or sperm. Or for whatever reason. There is certainly no shame in taking advantage of the wonders of medical science but it is damn personal stuff.

babybump_web

I sympathised with Nicole Kidman when she was forced to justify to millions of strangers all over the world her use of the term “gestational carrier”. Sure it sounded a little unusual but I think she was just saying, “hey this baby is my precious child and the technology involved is not the focus”.

It does not matter how you conceived your children as long as they are here, happy and nurtured. Whether the journey started with fours years of trying, one night of passion, or IVF, AI, GIFT or whatever is irrelevant.

It is no one’s business but yours. If you choose to tell family or friends that’s up to you. In my book, being asked by a stranger how you conceived your kids is just weird.

Have other parents of multiple birth children encountered such a question? Are we particular magnets for such inquiries or have single bub parents heard them too? Maybe the assumption is that all twins and triplets are IVF babies? Hey, prior to the first IVF bubs being born in 1978 people did have twins and triplets you know.

Has the frequent use of reproduction technology created a new social acceptance about quizzing people about how their much loved children came about?

Let us know your thoughts. Why not continue the discussion on our Facebook and Twitter pages.

 

Categories
4 years and beyond

I’m Exhuasted, Are You?

My girls are nearly five years old and they are very good however have been at each other like nothing else lately. It seems that if one is playing with something the other takes it, one might be happy doing something and then want me to help them. I do a bit and then they get whingey when I say I need to go off and do something else. One child gets upset and wants cuddles all day and parts of the days or most of them have been taken up sorting out squabble after squabble. When it is like this nothing can get done at home and then mummy is drained and exhausted.  Does this happen to you?

Is it the age I ask? Most friends I speak to have the same problems but these friends have children of different ages. Having twins is difficult as both kids want to do things at the same time, and as a parent that does not have help, it is hard to be in two places at once (I am sure it would be the same as a single parent). Do you have twins or triplets? Has this happened to you at this age?

My girls are so close and love each other to bits, however it gets nasty very quickly. Is it due to the closeness? Or just the fact that they are always together that they get annoyed at each other? I know it just simple sibling rivalry however it does wear on my patience and sometimes my patience does not hold up at all.

As you might have guessed when they are tired and hungry the behaviour gets worse, like most peoples would, so not a big surprise there. So what do I do to curb this type of behaviour?

  • Tell them that they cannot hurt each other – The child that has hurt the other I take them away and put them in time out.
  • If the twins are fighting over toys, I take the toy in question away from both of them.
  • I give them warnings and if they continue their bad behaviour I separate them.
  • I explain that if they don’t behave then they will not be allowed to go to the park, or somewhere nice as a treat.
  • Put it in their context, ask them if they would like to be treated the way they have treated their sister. The answer is always “No!” Then I mention that if you treat people horribly they will do it back to you.
  • Tell them that mummy wants them to be nice and good to each other, I don’t want them hurting or upsetting each other. They seem to understand this and are good. (Well for a bit that is)

Part of the upsets have come from the fact that they are more independent and want to do more. As you can imagine, some things are fine for the twins to do and others not. If it is dangerous I will not allow it.  If I can , I have them help me, for example chopping up vegetables for dinner that is fine, as long as I am there to supervise.

Is there more chaos in your house lately? What techniques have worked for you? Do you have twins or triplets and encountered the same behaviour?

Did you manage to figure out a way to get peace in your household? How did you do it? Send in your tips and tricks to us so we can all learn.

 

Categories
4 years and beyond Uncategorised

I'm Exhuasted, Are You?

My girls are nearly five years old and they are very good however have been at each other like nothing else lately. It seems that if one is playing with something the other takes it, one might be happy doing something and then want me to help them. I do a bit and then they get whingey when I say I need to go off and do something else. One child gets upset and wants cuddles all day and parts of the days or most of them have been taken up sorting out squabble after squabble. When it is like this nothing can get done at home and then mummy is drained and exhausted.  Does this happen to you?

Is it the age I ask? Most friends I speak to have the same problems but these friends have children of different ages. Having twins is difficult as both kids want to do things at the same time, and as a parent that does not have help, it is hard to be in two places at once (I am sure it would be the same as a single parent). Do you have twins or triplets? Has this happened to you at this age?

My girls are so close and love each other to bits, however it gets nasty very quickly. Is it due to the closeness? Or just the fact that they are always together that they get annoyed at each other? I know it just simple sibling rivalry however it does wear on my patience and sometimes my patience does not hold up at all.

As you might have guessed when they are tired and hungry the behaviour gets worse, like most peoples would, so not a big surprise there. So what do I do to curb this type of behaviour?

  • Tell them that they cannot hurt each other – The child that has hurt the other I take them away and put them in time out.
  • If the twins are fighting over toys, I take the toy in question away from both of them.
  • I give them warnings and if they continue their bad behaviour I separate them.
  • I explain that if they don’t behave then they will not be allowed to go to the park, or somewhere nice as a treat.
  • Put it in their context, ask them if they would like to be treated the way they have treated their sister. The answer is always “No!” Then I mention that if you treat people horribly they will do it back to you.
  • Tell them that mummy wants them to be nice and good to each other, I don’t want them hurting or upsetting each other. They seem to understand this and are good. (Well for a bit that is)

Part of the upsets have come from the fact that they are more independent and want to do more. As you can imagine, some things are fine for the twins to do and others not. If it is dangerous I will not allow it.  If I can , I have them help me, for example chopping up vegetables for dinner that is fine, as long as I am there to supervise.

Is there more chaos in your house lately? What techniques have worked for you? Do you have twins or triplets and encountered the same behaviour?

Did you manage to figure out a way to get peace in your household? How did you do it? Send in your tips and tricks to us so we can all learn.

 

Categories
4 years and beyond

Have They Been Good Enough?

Kids are super excited about Easter and the impending Easter Bunny.  I have organised surprises for the twins, however they are getting into mischief and acting up a lot lately, which brings me to my question. Have they been good enough?

Daddy told the girls that if they did not stop mucking around he will call Mr Easter Bunny and tell him not to come to our house. You can imagine the chaos this ended with. Yes, tears, screams and I hate you was uttered a few times! I must say in our defense the girls have been little terrors, but is it just due to being four years old? I think so, who knows.

When they are out of line they get into trouble and get the appropriate punishment, however I think it feels like it is happening more than usual lately. Do you have those times? It does feel like all I do is punish someone or send someone to time out. Maybe it is the pushing the envelope that is the issue?

They seem to be pulling up their socks a little bit when they realised how close Easter really is, not sure if it is the lure of the chocolates or if they are trying to be good for goods sake. They are generally very good kids and understand when they are wrong, however it is more sister related issues. Pinching, and being on top of each other is wearing rather thin.

Do you have twins or triplets? Do they hurt or annoy their siblings when they want to be alone or not share a toy? I know it is hard being with each other all the time. I do try and have them do separate things however most of the time they want to be together. I am exhausted due to organising and dealing with all the carry on.

Is this something that have happen at your place?  Why not continue the discussion on our Twitter or Facebook pages.

Categories
4 years and beyond

What I have learnt

Mummy and the girls on the 27th of Sept, 2008. Katoomba Hosp. Julia on left, Lillian on right.
Mummy and the girls on the 27th of Sept, 2008. Katoomba Hosp. Julia on left, Lillian on right.

Having twins as your first children is a big shock to most people and it was no different for me.

I was planning to start with one child and then maybe do the second, but life had another thing in store and decided to give me two lovely bundles straight away.

I am very grateful for that and happy it has worked out the way it has, that said, what have the twins taught me so far.

Well here is my list:

  • Yes twins do have their own language
  • They are inseparable and always want to share a bed
  • They are highly competitive
  • Love each other to bits but are terrible to each other (just sibling rivalry)
  • Even though you want to dress them in different outfits especially due to them being identical it is a good idea to always have the same outfit ready for the other child. Once one kid sees what the other is going to wear then they usually want to wear it as well.
  • No matter if you think it is a good idea to get different colour toys for each child it is not! Best to get the same so there are no arguments and fights. Pink is the colour to get in our household as the twins are pink obsessed
  • If I can handle giving birth to two kids and deal with the early months I can handle anything! I thought it was hard and terrible but things are a breeze after that.
  • The cuddles and love that I have for both my little girls is immense and great, I cannot think of them not being here. I also cannot believe that I helped create their life and cannot wait to see what they become. It is a joy to be watching them develop and grow.

Next year the twins will start school and that just amazes me. 5 years have passed so quickly and I have watched my little babies grow into intelligent and happy little people. In the early years, it did help to go to a mothers group and especially one that was for multiples. If you are looking for a mothers group the best way is to see where your AMBA local club is and they should have a listing for what mothers groups are available.

I was inspired to write this post due to Multiple Birth Awareness Week (MBAW). Check out the events for every state in Australia and enjoy the celebrations. If you have twins, triplets or higher, congrats to you for doing well keeping up with kids, life and things for you. Well done. I know how hard it is.

The AMBA has great resources and they are well worth a look if you need some extra support or advice.

 

Sign up for my newsletter

Stay current with all the things that are happening on Mummy to Twins Plus One. Don’t miss a thing by signing up for my newsletter. This newsletter will list all giveaways and fabulous things that are happening.