Tag: not listening

Categories
Family

New Year Strike

Happy New Year! It is rather amazing that it is 2019. A year full of new plans, hopes, dreams and hopefully exciting times.

My word for 2019 is “Happy”

I noticed that the twins were wanting me to be happier last year, they even sat me down and had a chat about how they want me and daddy to be happy.

Celebrating the new year and new possibilities.
Celebrating the new year and new possibilites.

Mind you we have been going through a rather trying time of late. Hubby lost his job a few months before Christmas and due it being a bad time to be job hunting everything has been put on hold until 2019. And my grandmother the girls (GG) died so that was very upsetting and sad too.

I’ve been running around like a headless chicken organising and doing for everyone but not me. So no surprise that I am not the happiest person, oh plus no one helps out. When the mere suggestion of help is said to any child all I get is screams and yelling about how “I don’t want to do that!”, or “It’s not mine, so why should I have to pick it up??”

Geez, I don’t want to do housework either but I do, and nearly 99% of items that I pick up are not mine either!

2019 is going to be a year of change and making things easier on me and teaching the kids that I am not a slave. I am sick of doing for everyone and not getting anything back, and of course, I am intentionally injecting happy into my day, life and family.

The twins spent a week with my mum and step-dad and came home today. They have been short tempered, yelling at me and grunting or getting angry at everything.

One kid decided to ask for my help with one craft activity that she got as a Christmas present from school. She was happy and keen to set it all up and then couldn’t find a key part of the box.

She came to tell me that she couldn’t find it, and I said that I had tidied up their room to welcome them home ( I gave each kid Harry Potter bed sets and had washed them all to have them on the beds for when the girls returned, I tidied their room and sorted out their clothes too – they are all folded in a basket ready to be put away). I told this kid that I originally found the box in the corner of the room shoved at the end of the cupboards so maybe it had fallen out.

To look for this we needed to move things and that was met with screaming and yelling at me. She then yelled at me that it was on the desk and that is where she remembered leaving it. I told her to look at the desk and behind it, in case it had fallen out and was on the floor.

Being happy with friends and family helps with you being happier too, that is unless they don't listen due to being pre-teen kids!
Being happy with friends and family helps with you being happier too, that is unless they don’t listen due to being pre-teen kids!

Her looking skills were the following: staring at the desk and yelling and not moving anything! Did she think that the missing item would just magically appear? It possibly might fly out and announce itself to her.

I, of course, was rather annoyed at the tidy room now becoming messy again and was also interrupted at finally putting fresh sheets on my bed to help out a kid that was yelling at me.

I then explained that I spent a long time getting her room ready and getting all the clothes folded and the room tidy. I know she was unhappy and annoyed she had lost something but I was trying to help her.

No one saw it my way and everyone now thinks that I was being horrible by getting angry at the said child.

My reaction is that I am STRIKE!

No one values anything I do

No one helps

I get yelled at

People can fend for themselves

I don’t get paid or treated nicely, and I am very over the silly and horrible behaviour.

So my word for the year is maybe not great for today, but I am now Happy in my bedroom with a cool drink working on my laptop.

Maybe this is being happy, well for a little bit.

This might allow the family to appreciate everything I do.

I’ve told Hubby and the twins that I’m not cooking, cleaning or doing laundry. If someone wants something they need to sort it out themselves.

I wonder how long it will be before I get the “I’m Sorry Mummy!” “Please help me with this, or cook me this or do that”

How is your first day of 2019 going?

Oh, by the way, Alexander hurt himself and needed mummy so I had to deal with that and then magically the other child found the missing item that was lost. A very sorry kid still wanted me to help her with her project and I thought it would be nice.

The twins cooked their own dinner, although there were moments and a major injury (not with food or the stove but due to someone hurting their head on a cabinet).

Now kids are in bed and I can finally return to my work and some much needed quiet time.

I do hope that your first day of the year was better than mine, although there were some nice moments but some annoying ones too.

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Categories
3 years and beyond

Not nice

Today kids were so naughty, they did not do anything they were told, both were violent towards each other and to top it off I was disowned by Lillian, “You are not nice, you are not in my family anymore.” Well that is not nice I said, however I was told that Daddy was nice and I was not.

In all fairness I started out great and nice, but after the hundredth and what feels like the millionth time saying things to the girls, you start to get annoyed and you get tougher and sterner, and the voice ends up getting raised.

I don’t want to be the hated parent; however as the primary care giver it is a hard thing to do. I am the one that is here the most, deals with everything and has to get kids ready for school, outings and so on. They are not listening to me when I want them to get dressed, they don’t let me wash them and it can it takes hours to convince the little trouble makers to have a shower – we do baths but as we have a big bath we only do that a couple of times a week to save water and electricity.  The girls tend to favour the bath but it is a big job organising this and easier to have them in the shower.

It is also very upsetting and frustrating to be doing the same thing daddy/other parent is doing to have your requests ignored. Oh what a day I had, at least they went to school today, if they were home I would have sent them to their bedroom for a time out.

I explained that due to their misbehaviour all treats and television is banned for tonight. This went down well and I only got asked once for a television show, as you would have guessed my answer was no. If they do the same tomorrow, no treats or television again – I am attempting to get across that if they listen and do as they are told, people are happy and nice to each other. If they don’t there are consequences to their actions.

Do you have issues with your toddler? My kids are nearly four and I fear that if I don’t get this behaviour stopped it might cause other issues. The girls are good and do things at school; however they are very naughty at home. I heard a while back that you should be happy that the child can be their true self at home. I am glad that they are relaxed; however I am not pleased that they feel that mummy is someone they can ignore and walk over. Has this happened to you? If so how do you deal with this bad behaviour? Send in your comments.

Categories
3 years and beyond

No more yelling!!!!

I must say it is hard dealing with two 3 year olds when they don’t listen, think things are funny when they are in trouble, break things, keep on doing things that you tell them not to do, and test you in every way imaginable. It is also does not help that I cannot just hand them to someone and say, please I need a break, and you deal for a while. However that said I do try and deal with it well, but there are times that I do lose my cool and yell. I know that this is not a good thing to do, but it does happen. I am sure everyone is in the same boat. Lately I have experienced others yelling, and it brought home that I too need to change what I do, and make the house a calmer place to be. My aim is to have a nice calm house, with no yelling.  I know. We will see if it can be done.

Lately I have been trying to see if just explaining nicely in a calm voice will help more than yelling. It seems to be but as I said I do have my moments that I get very angry and frustrated like everyone. I have been trying to tell them that if they act the way they are acting then the visit, or playgroup/play-date will not happen. This seems to be helping as they are very keen to go out and have adventures. They are realising that if they act up they will not get the treat of going out; it is sad that you have to bribe the child to behave themselves.

Below is a quote from an article called, “Yelling at kids – the effects“, that is on Kidspot.com.au

“Talking in anger to your child is likely to affect his emotional development if, as a direct result of what you’ve said, he no longer feels you love him unconditionally or that he is safe and secure. Your child needs to feel your support and guidance, which will help him build the confidence to attempt new things and continue to grow in areas where he is already confident. If he feels anxious about being personally criticised or ridiculed, he will be less willing to takes chances.”

When I was young my father yelled and acted out a lot, when he wanted something done he yelled and screamed and got very angry. This affected me, when teachers would yell or pressure me for answers to questions, my mind went blank. I just could not tell them anything. This made them think that I was not smart. Teachers then did not try to teach me as you were in the dumb class. This is not the case now (getting distinctions at uni), but I am sure if it did not happen, things might have been different.   I am noticing that I don’t want to have the girls in that type of environment or create it either.

It is hard when you are feeling stuck, you are on your own, no help and it is a constant that never lets up. I always thought that work was hard, but now after kids, work is easy, give me a paid job anytime. As the primary care giver it is a tough job and if you have no assistance it is doubly tough. So if the kids are not listening or doing anything that you have told them to do, what is the answer? Here are some links that might help.

What do you do to keep calm in your household? How do you get your kids to listen to you? Are you trying not to yell, what are your techniques?  Send your comments to me and we can all share and learn from each other.