Note: I wrote this yesterday in order to post today. Today the twins have been extremely good and I have hardly raised my voice. Not sure why they are being so good or what they want but I am just accepting the nice behaviour as lately it is a rare occurrence (Maybe they knew that I was writing this and are being good). One kid cleaned the living room, folded the clothes and put them away. She also wrote me a note saying that she loved me and had a glass of water waiting for me to drink. Very nice indeed.
Now to more of what has been the norm around here and to see if it is happening to you as well.
What is it with the twins lately?
Any time I open my mouth to ask them to do something or see what is going on and I get attitude!
Yep I kid you not.
I get told the following and it does not matter from which kid:
“Leave us alone!”
“You don’t need to know”
“It is none of your business”
Mind you this is all said to me with the grumpiest of voices and faces, plus it gets yelled at me or screamed like a banshee is yelling, not my children.
Could it be the age?
The twins are nearly nine and lately been wanting more independence. I like to walk them to school after I park the car but the girls have been asking me to park further away and let them walk the rest of the way. One kid said she wanted to “look like a big girl”.
The girls can do a lot of things on their own and some that I wish they would do is help put things away in the house, tidy their room and help when asked. However it seems like it is a fight to get them to do anything or listen at all.
One kid helped Daddy on our land putting up a silt fence. She worked so hard and even got blisters on her hands from putting up the fencing. She did a good days work. However if you ask her to pick something that she left on the floor up, this will be completely ignored.
Is Mummy Invisible?
I could be right next to one kid and ask them to pick something up or put something away and they will not hear me. Most likely ignoring me to see if I will forget about it. (Not likely!)
The same could be when either child wants to pick up things to take to the kitchen. I ask them to wait and tell them to take more than one item to the kitchen. (This makes sense doesn’t it. Why take one item to the kitchen and have to do several trips rather than one trip). While I am asking this child to wait they are already walking away from me. I have to repeat about four to five times to get them to come back and do the job correctly.)
Why is it that as soon as I organise some wonderful treat for the kids they turn into little nightmares. I pay and get tickets for fun events and the kids act horribly towards me during and after the event. Maybe I should not bother! Why does this happen? It is very annoying and stressful to have this constantly occur.
This happened last Monday when I took the twins, baby and myself off to see Despicable Me 3. They were good to a point and then turned into rude and horrible little people. Yelling at me to give them money for the arcade. Telling me that we were staying when I had already told them we were going home. I ended up going home and the kids ended up in their room until it was clean. Once the room was clean and they were behaving themselves they got lunch and could come out of their room.
Does this happen to you? You organise some fabulous outings for the kids for them to just be annoying and horrible about the whole thing. I have told my kids that if their silly behaviour continues they will be spending more and more time in their room. Geez lets hope it gets tidy if this happens.
It is frustrating when you are constantly repeating yourself, and feel like everything is a fight to get even a small thing done. After getting something achieved I feel exhausted as it has taken a lot of energy.
I feel like I need a drink and then a lie down. Maybe a G & T would be perfect after this type of carry on.
My Techniques to Help
I have explained to the kids that I am the only one that organises all the fun things for them due to the fact that I am the primary care giver. If the kids muck up they will not have fun and instead be watching the paint on the wall in their room.
One of my techniques to help the twins understand is to put it into context for them.
- I asked if the girls would want to be friends with someone that once you did something nice for them ignored you? They said no.
- I then asked if they would be happy if they got tickets to a fabulous event and then their friend complained every second they were at this event. Would they be happy about this? They said no.
- After going to the movies and being told that there is only a certain flavour of chips available, and not accepting any alternatives. The actions of this child is screaming and crying. I then asked if they were taking their friend to the movies and this happened would they be happy about it. The kids said no.
- When we go out and end up at a restaurant and the kids don’t like the food options. The reactions are hysterical meltdowns that are just crazy and horrible. I told the kids that we cannot control what the restaurant serves and they need to be more adventurous and try new foods. They agree but then don’t. I asked if this happened to them how would they feel? Both girls told me that they would be unhappy and upset.
It seems that they understand how their behaviour is making me feel and that it is not nice. The twins acknowledge that they don’t want to be treated like this.
I then said then, “Why is it okay to treat mummy like this?”
Then I get the all encompassing answer, “I don’t know!”
Well I know they are being naughty and not nice and mostly to me and to me alone.
I told them that I don’t like being treated like this either. I don’t like doing nice things for kids who are not nice back.
So unless they can be nice, no fun things will happen.
I have also tried their silly answer to everything back at them. If they ask when dinner is happening I say, “I don’t know”, if I get asked if they can watch TV, I say, “I don’t know”, if I get asked what are we doing today, I then say, “I don’t know”.
I think you get the message. I know sometimes you don’t know and that is fine but this cannot be the answer to everything… maybe it is the other answer to life, the universe and everything?
The Twins Seem to be Better When Separated
Hubby and I noticed the other day that each child is much better behaved when they are on their own. Once they are together the silliness takes over and more naughty vibrations travel between them and they become extremely naughty. Would it be the twin connection? Have you experienced this?
It is a pity that there are not a lot of opportunity to have more one on one time with each child. We are planning to do more of this on the weekends but it is harder during the week when I am the only care giver and therefore the kids are with me.
Let us know what is working for you?
Have you found it is the age that your children are at?
The twins are seeking more independence and I suppose due to the fact the girls are identical, they are making themselves different from their sister.
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What do you think?