Tag: birth

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Family

Interview with Pinky McKay – BigW Bub & Me Series

Having a baby is a life-changing event and one that requires preparation.  I read books, looked online and asked other mums about their experiences.

For me I was not just having one child first, I ended up having twins as my first children. I don’t know how many do this but I am sure that it is not that common.

BigW invited me to be a part of their Bub & Me Education Program in collaboration with select midwives across Australia.

This post is the first in my three-part series about being a new mum, breastfeeding, childbirth and great things you can get from BigW for your new little person/people.

My interview with Pinky McKay

Below are my questions to Pinky and her answers, I hope that this interview is helpful for all new mums.

 

Pinky McKay is Australia’s most recognised breastfeeding expert
Pinky McKay is Australia’s most recognised breastfeeding expert

 

Q1. The expectation of what it is like to be a parent to the reality can be quite a shock for new mums. What do you tell new mums about suddenly being responsible for a little person? 

A 1. A recent survey by Big W in conjunction with The Australian College of Midwives revealed one in three (32%) of Aussie mums struggle the most with self-doubt, which is really not surprising. Having a baby is rather like visiting a foreign country for the first time: no matter how well you prepare, no matter how many frozen casseroles there are in your freezer, how many products you buy or how many classes you attend, there will be shocks.  

The relentlessness of caring for a newborn is something we can’t really imagine until it happens to us. I wish every pregnant woman could spend a day (and night) with a new mum and support her – hold her baby while she showers, while she naps, and see that crying isn’t just for newborns, mums cry too (I warn partners about this too). The biggest surprise can be the weird brain things that happen such as ‘hearing’ your baby crying when you are having a shower, then racing to check and finding him peacefully sleeping, right where you left him, neatly swaddled in his safety-approved cot.  

Q2. How do you help new mums with sleep deprivation and learning about their new baby? 

Pinky:  Before birth, I suggest how important it is to set up your support network. If I am seeing a desperate new mum, I always ask about what level of support she has and discuss ways to get support if she doesn’t have enough help. We are so conditioned that reaching out and asking for practical help is ‘weak’. It absolutely takes a village, whether this is hired help, friends and family or government-funded ‘in-home care’ (I have facilitated this for families with high needs).   

The biggest thing is about lowering expectations both of yourself and your child and filtering out the ‘noise’ about what you ‘should’ be doing –according to a recent survey by Big W, 67% of mums say social media puts pressure on mums to live an ‘insta-worthy’ life.   

While good basic care such as eating healthy meals and resting are especially important in the early weeks as women are healing from growing and birthing a baby, guarding your emotional energy needs to be a priority. Often, the pressure and anxiety around baby sleep, for instance, can take more energy than the lack of sleep. I tell mums, YOU are the expert about YOUR well baby. You can trust yourself and your baby and the amazing connection between you and your child. If you feel confused by advice, you can filter it by checking, ‘is it safe? Is it respectful? And, does it feel right? And if you have concerns, check in with your health carers, not ‘randoms’ on social media.  

Q3. I thought I knew what I was doing with my third child, but he was so different and nothing I did worked. I was doing all the things that worked with the twins but finally had a realisation that he is a different person and I needed to listen to his cues and focus on what he likes and doesn’t like. How do you help parents do this from the start if they have more than one child?  

Pinky: As a mum of five, I was always amazed at how unique each child was, from their temperament to their development. Although babies all have similar needs for security and love, it’s helpful to discuss how they vary in the ways they express those needs. They are unique, individual little beings and although we can support their personalities, we can’t ‘mould’ our child or reflect in the glory of having an ‘easy’ baby. It’s best to observe and get to know each new baby’s cues and respond to that baby in a way that’s right for them. If we do have a more sensitive baby, the good news is that we really can’t short-change them or they will let us know, and by responding promptly, they will feel secure and usually become happy, calm little people as they grow.   

  

Q4. My third child was super fussy, had reflux and found it hard to remove burps and any gas from his body. Not only did he cry all the time, not settle well and want to be held all the time I was walking around like a zombie due to the lack of sleep. Do you have any recommendations on how to settle a fussy baby or one that has other issues that are making things more difficult for him/her to sleep and to eat? 

Pinky: Rather than simply heading to ways to ‘settle’ although of course, keeping your baby as comfortable as possible is important for baby and you, it’s worth trying to work out why this is happening. For instance, could there be allergies or food intolerance contributing to reflux symptoms (your baby is never allergic to your breast-milk but may react to foods passing through your milk)? Tongue-tie can also mean babies are swallowing air because their latch and sucking is often ineffective, and a fast breast milk flow can also create issues for young babies swallowing air as they feed – reclining as you feed or ‘paced bottle feeding’ can slow the flow and make it easier for baby to manage.   

It is really hard work when you have a super unsettled baby, especially if you have other children, but wearing your baby in a carrier or wrap can help settle your baby and you can still do activities with two free hands. There are also ‘holds’ that can help relieve gas pains such as lying baby across your arm on his tummy, with his head facing your elbow and supporting him with a hand between his legs as you walk/sway. Baby massage can be a great way to support your baby’s nervous system and move the gas – clockwise circles on baby’s tummy, alternated with knee bends. 

Q5. I expressed my breastmilk for all three kids and due to the twins being premmies this was needed. However, I thought having a singleton that was born exactly at 40 weeks that he would be better at breastfeeding. It turned out that my third child couldn’t latch on and would only eat a bit and then wanted more. I would feed more and then he would wriggle and scream at me all the time. So, I decided, since it was frustrating him and me and causing me stress to express breastmilk again was the way to go. Are there ways to increase your breastmilk supply when you are stressed, running on no sleep and caring for two other kids and husband. 

Pinky: Wow! That sounds like a nightmare. Firstly, it’s important that regardless of your sleep (or lack of it), that you eat regularly – handy one-handed snacks such as Boobie Bikkies, avocado or cheese on crackers, a can of tuna or salmon and boiled eggs (cook several and keep them in the fridge) are an easy boost – and drink according to your thirst.  Your partner’s /husband’s support is vital – he is a grown-up so needs to take up some of the slack, not expect to be ‘looked after’.  Please don’t be shy about setting up a help roster with friends, whether that is doing a school pickup, taking your other kids out so you can rest and focus on feeding or bringing food. Most people are delighted to share the experience of a new baby.  

Try to set up young children with activities and snacks (‘Netflix and chill’, even if it’s a kids’ show or sit on the big bed and read stories or sit outside and get the toddlers to ‘paint the fence’ with water), so you can spend time giving baby skin to skin snuggles to boost your milk-making chemistry and allow baby to feed frequently.  

Remember, an empty breast makes milk more quickly so as you breastfeed or pump, you can try massage and breast compressions (high up on your breasts, not down near the nipples) to help empty your breasts more effectively. You will notice your baby start swallowing more quickly and if pumping you will see the milk start flowing a few seconds after compressions. If you are exclusively pumping or baby isn’t a strong feeder you can try power pumping (as well as putting baby to the breast if he will latch): To power pump: Pump for 20 minutes; Rest for 10 minutes; Pump for 10 minutes; Rest for 10 minutes; Pump for 10 minutes. A double electric pump is most effective – otherwise, if you use a single pump, instead of the rest periods, switch breasts and pump the other side.  

If you have concerns about breastfeeding, it’s always helpful to see an IBCLC Lactation Consultant who can take a history of your baby and you and give you personalised advice (conditions such as thyroid disorders, PCOS, low iron levels, retained placenta or PPH can all influence milk supply).  

  Pinky McKay is Australia’s most recognised and respected Breastfeeding expert. She’s an IBCLC Lactation Consultant, Best Selling Baby Care Author, Mum of five and creator of Boobie Bikkies, award-winning, all-natural and organic cookies to nourish breastfeeding mothers and support a healthy milk supply. Download our FREE ebook ‘Making More Mummy Milk, Naturally  for Pinky’s top tips to help you boost your milk supply 

DID YOU KNOW?

  • BIG W research reveals three-quarters of Aussie mums have regrets about their first pregnancy including spending a whopping $163 million on baby products, as well as spending over 23 million hours shopping ahead of the birth of their first child.
  • Social media pressure – Two thirds (67%) of Aussie mums of children aged 0-13 agree that social media puts pressure on new mums to lead “instaworthy” lives
  • Shop ‘til they drop – one in six mums spend a staggering 41 hours or more shopping for baby products before birth
  • Bub & Me time – 25% of Aussie mums say they regret not savouring the time when they were pregnant
  • Special talents – Breastfeeding is the achievement Aussie mums are most satisfied with, with one in four (24%) claiming it as the skill they are most confident in
    Highs and lows – 1 in 3 Aussie mums found the first six weeks after giving birth to be the hardest phase of their baby’s development.

Did you know that the most enviable celebrity mums include:

  • P!NK (33%)
  • Julia Morris (23%)
  • Laura Byrne (21%)
  • Kate Ritchie (20%)

A huge thank you to BigW and Pinky McKay for this opportunity. Make sure to stay tuned for the next two posts in BigW Bub & Me Series on Mummy to Twins Plus One.

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Categories
Family

Reflecting on Nine Years of Being a Twin Mum

Today my girls are nine years old.

It is hard to believe it has been nine years already.

Nine years sounds like a long time, well it actually is.

However, it only feels like yesterday that my twin girls were babies. Only yesterday when I had them and they were so tiny that they had to be in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).

Everyone said that having twins would be hard. It has had its challenges and also has not been as hard as I thought it was going to be.

I think the birth and hospital stay was the worst really for me. The twins got treated very nicely in the NICU but during birth and before it was not great for me.

About the birth of the twins

Firstly my water broke at 33 weeks and a few days. It was Father’s Day of 2008 when this happened, and it occurred at 4am at home. I did my constant pilgrimage to the toilet and then realsied that it had happened, game on by membranes rupturing naturally. We went off to the local hospital to then be told that I had to be ambulanced to Nepean due to being very early and of course pregnant with twins. Katoomba hospital does not have the facilities for intensive care of babies this little.

Now for one of the weirdest things that happened, the ambos were concerned that I might go into labour on the drive to Nepean. To get to this hospital there is only one road there and one road back home. So if there was a delay, accident or if I did indeed go into labour and have the babies it would have been a road side birth in the back of the ambulance.

The doctor thought it was best to check me out to confirm that a roadside delivery with twins was not immediate and this was done with the aid of a dolphin torch and a doctor who still had his beanie on. It was confirmed that labour and babies was ages away and it was safe to transport me to the other hospital and made the ambos happy knowing that there would be no emergency birthing issue roadside.

I was finally at the hospital and then had to be placed in a delivery suite until a room was made available. I stayed there for most of the day and night and then at some point Sunday evening went to my room in antenantal.

During my stay I had nurses thinking I had the babies, thinking that I was only having one baby, and after I had them trying to give me medicine that I did not need.

One medicine that I was given was meant to stop contractions and make labour not happen. This drug was a very tiny pill and the side effects made me dizzy and my skin all red hot and bothered. Yes I had the sweats… just perfect and what every woman wants while they wait to give birth.

I stopped taking this pill Wednesday night and at 2.30am Thursday morning it all started. I found I wanted to go to the toliet and more importantly felt the need to poo, but nothing happened. I wanted to push. My legs at this stage were like jelly and I was finding it very hard to walk. I was in a lot of pain and in tears.

Since I kept on having the urge to go to the toilet I decided to go and stay there. There was an emergency buzzer in there so I buzzed it for help. No help came for over 30 mins.  Finally a nurse came and I told her in between tears and pain what has been happening and how painful it was. Mind you it was not in my belly and all in my lower back.

This nurse said that they had a few emergencies so were very busy and someone will be back soon. She also told me that it sounded like I was constipated and that she can help me if this is the case with equipment. Equipment? Really I don’t think so! I’m having the babies. Mind you by this stage I had been in hospital for five days waiting to have the twins and my water broke days ago, so they were ready to come.

Pregnant with the twins. It was only a few weeks later that they were born.
Pregnant with the twins. It was only a few weeks later that they were born.

When someone finally came back they told me they could not give me painkillers, which sucked big time.

I asked if they could check to see how far along I was and they didn’t. Instead they hooked me up to a machine to see if I was having a contraction or not. They then asked me and I said I didn’t know and told them I had intense to horrific pelvic and lower back pain. It was like my pelvis would crack open and be in two different parts. It was horrible. They only seemed interested about any pains on my belly. I kept on telling them that I did not have them, just extreme bad pelvic and back pain.

After being on this machine for most of the day and night I finally got someone to look at me. It was estimated that I was about 3cms dilated and that I would need to be moved to the delivery suite downstairs. By this time it was after 8pm at night. I rang hubby so he could come to the hospital as he was home at the time.

I started at the delivery suite Thursday the 11th of September at about 8 pm, then I had the worst midwife.

She did not believe me when I told her that I still felt like I had to push and needed to go to the bathroom. She kept on asking about contractions on my belly and told her that it was all in back. She got annoyed that I was not presenting like a text book case and gave me Pethidine and left hubby and I.

During me being out of it on Pethidine I still went back and forth to the bathroom and was very upset. Hubby was in and out of sleep on a mattress on the floor. Typical that hubby manged to get some sleep.

Shift changed for the nurses and Friday morning we had a lovely midwife and trainee midwife as well. I told them what had been happening and she was upset that no one had checked me. I told her that the other lady said that if she checks to many times I might get an infection. Well she never checked me during the whole shift at all.

The midwife who I think was called Janet finally looked at me and said I was about 5 cms and like it or not I was having the babies. I asked if my chance to have drugs to help was over? I was worried I might have missed the window. She said no and got the person who did the Epidural. However I did not know at the time they did it that it would not work. It must have been put in the wrong position and I felt everything and it was horrible! It was like someone was killing me and I could not move.

Julia and Lilian on last day of school for term 1 at Pre-School. The girls were 3 years old here.
Julia and Lilian on last day of school for term 1 at Pre-School. The girls were 3 years old here.

 

The epidural ended up parlising my legs and allowed me to feel the pain. Really not the point of it. However I never realised why the doctors were looking so concerned until after the birth of my third baby. During the birth of Alexander I had an epidural where I felt no pain for a long while, I even managed to fall asleep and I could move my legs.

Thinking back to the birth of the twins I think they thought they paralized me. I am so grateful this did not happen, but it was annoying as they kept on asking me to move my legs and I kept on telling them I couldn’t.

On the Friday night I had two doctors come and do rounds. I had never seen these doctors before. They then told me that if I could just hold off until I was 36-38 weeks that would be great.

I asked them who they were. They told me that they were doctors. I then said that I don’t think you are. My water broke nearly a week ago, I am in a delivery suite and very clearly in labour with twins. I also told them that I was over 5cm dilated so stopping this birth is not an option, so telling me to just wait till I am further along was bullshit.

During the birth I had a full room of what looked like 30-50 people. There were two doctors for the babies, two humdicribs, nurses, support staff and a whole lot of trainee doctors just observing. It was packed. Hubby ended up in the corner of the room behind a machine (I don’t know if this was the machine that goes bing) but it was a packed room.  The doctor had to yell for the husband and finally people moved out of his way so he could be next to me.

Finally on Saturday the 13th of September after over 30 hours of labour and nonsense from the doctors and staff the girls were born.

  • Julia (Twin A) – 2:55am, weighed in at 2.1kgs,  just over 4 pounds.
  • Lillian (Twin B) – 3:07am, weight in at 1938 grams, just over 4 pounds.

When the girls were babies I got them into a routine early on and that helped immensely.  I woke the sleeping baby up so that they both could feed at the same time. I know waking a sleeping baby is not a good thing but you don’t want to be feeding babies all day and night either. Having them feeding and sleeping at the same time meant that I could go out and do things, like playgroup, shopping and have some downtime for me.

When the girls were older

I did not think the two’s were troubling but found when the girls turn three to be even harder. They had an opinion about the clothes they would wear and everything really. Things took longer to do due to the girls deciding that they preferred the pink one or the purple one and god help us if we could not get those colours when they were younger.

The girls about 3 years of age at Stanwell Tops with daddy.
The girls about 3 years of age at Stanwell Tops with daddy.

The girls were always on the smaller scale for their weight and maybe height. More so their weight. They were only 8kgs at one years of age and during the years of being two and three gained and constantly lost weight too. I think in a whole year they only gained a kilo. From memory at about 3 years they were about 10kgs or just a little bit over. So they were tiny.

The girls were and still are very active. Running, jumping, swimming and exploring the outdoors.

I have found that the girls are very stubborn and headstrong. These are great traits to have but does annoy me as a parent when they don’t do as they are told. They have always thought they know best and still do.

Twin Connection

  • When the girls were babies about 4-5 months old. One kid was screaming and crying but never woke up. I then checked her sister and she was wet and cold. Her sister was telling me something was wrong and I had to come and change her nappy and clothes and then bedding.
  • The girls seem to be able to sense each other. When Lillian was 18 months old she had to be hospitalised for a bad UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). When Julia and hubby came to visit Lillian could sense they were near and said to me Julia is here and so is daddy. They are coming to visit now mummy. I knew they were coming but had no idea of the time. Then seconds after she said they were here I heard them come down the corridor of the hospital.  She just knew.
  • The girls seem to have to hurt themselves in the same spot. One could hurt their knee falling down stairs and then the other does it somewhere else but manages to do the same injury to the same knee.  This has happened to the girls with hurting other body parts but it could be minutes or hours apart but it will happen.
  • They need to be together. Both kids want to still sleep in the same bed.
  • Even though they want to be different they still like dressing the same.

The girls are very competitive and get upset when one does something better or before the other. I know this happens with siblings but it is more intense with the girls.

They need to do everything at the same time and like the other. If they were sisters who were 2 years apart then this might be upsetting but maybe not with such hysterical meltdowns and angst.

The girls and I experiencing snow in October of 2012.
The girls and I experiencing snow in October of 2012.

Being Nine

I have found the last few years to be rather hectic. It is due to the frenetic activity, headstrong attitudes and surging independence.

The twins really want to do more on their own and I am trying to accommodate these requests. The girls like to take the bus home some afternoons, and walk to school when I park further away. When they do walk to school they really love crossing the road at the zebra crossing outside the school on their own as they feel like big girls when they do.

Lately there have been many meltdowns. I have found that they are trivial and just reactions to things that really don’t matter in the long run. However, they are super important to the twins. If they cannot listen to music of their choice, watch videos on YouTube or on the iPad or even on the television they are very grumpy and rude individuals. In fact when things don’t go their way and they cannot listen to what mummy or daddy is saying they are just plain horrible really.

I have been told it is the age. Many parents of kids that are 9 or 10 are saying the same thing.

Trying to get them to have more responsibility around the home and looking after their things is a challenge too.

I’m getting told by the girls when I ask them to pick up their rubbish or clothes, “It’s not mine!” so they leave it and promptly fall over it.

My response then is it’s not mine either and most of the things in this house that get taken care of and put away are not mine as well. Maybe I should just leave it all as it is not mine!

It is like they are grumpy teenagers all ready.

I have been told that this is the precursor to pre-teen years. Yep, hormones changing, bodies growing. Annoyed and more grumpy people to come.

Jeez I hope it gets better. However I think it won’t.  Maybe they will slowly understand that having a clean room might be a good idea.

The girls being silly. This was in 2013, so they would have been about 5 years here.
The girls being silly. This was in 2013, so they would have been about 5 years here.

 

Being a Twin Mum

I never thought that I would have twins and thought that I was having one baby so it was a huge surprise.

Having twins that are now 9 is a shock as I think that they are so grown up at times and at others still babies that are learning.

It is hard as I think that the kids are in between being little and being so grown up, I do struggle with what to purchase them now. I don’t want them to be babied but I would not want them to be fast tracked into being a teenager and an adult as well.

For their birthday I did a mix of toys and some more grown up items that will grow with them, oh and also a pair of shoes that are awesome (well I think so, I just hope the kids love them too).

Having twins as my first children has made me feel that I can do anything, but now I just need the time to do them.

Doing two kids at once was really hard and difficult with no sleep when they were babies but it was doable. I find that others cannot understand how you can cope, but you just deal with what you are faced with and are used to. For me this was two babies as my first children.

Sometimes it is hard when you find that you make appointments or do things and they only make one appointment or they think it is one gift for one child. I find that I am constantly explaining why my kids have the same birthday and for some people it doesn’t occur to them first off that they are twins.

Twins first has made me stronger, and able to take on more in life. I’m the primary caregiver for the girls so therefore I take them everywhere, school, activities, when little daycare, preschool, parks, outings, swimming, play-dates, parties and more. It is a huge responsibility and one that I managed mostly on my own. Hubby is with me during the evenings and weekends and helps then, but if something has to happen during the week or if he is working it is all up to me.

I’m sure that this is not unlike other families with kids and something that you just deal with and manage.

However I do drool over having a nanny and some help. Maybe a housekeeper???

Now I am not only a twin mum I am a mum to a little boy, three kids keep me very busy and help would not go astray.

I do love being a mum to my twin girls and watching all their development milestones. It was great to see them walk, talk, and much more. Hubby and I once took the kids to their 6 month check up, but happened at 9 months due to the doctor being on holiday. During this check up the twins were having a conversation in their own language and laughing and having a great time. The doctor was in awe as he had never witnessed this before. We told them that the girls did this regularly and sometimes one ended up crying and yelling at the the other one and then sometimes they laughed at supposedly and inside joke. Once the kids got the real words for things they substituted and lost their made up language.

The girls at about 8-9 months of age.
The girls at about 8-9 months of age.

Are you a twin mum? 

What have you noticed about yourself that has made you stronger since being a mum to twins? 

How have your twins changed since babies?

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Birth

My Pregnancy Fears Revealed

I have spoken to many women about their pregnancy journey, and then their birth stories. Most of the things that they dreamt or thought about never actually happened.

While at Problogger last year (Alexander was eight months when I attended Problogger in 2016. I was having a funny conversation with other bloggers and the topic of my fears and worries while pregnant with baby three was discussed.)

New born baby - This cutie is looking very relaxed and has no idea about all the drama that went on before they were born.
New born baby – This cutie is looking very relaxed and has no idea about all the drama that went on before they were born.

When I was pregnant with the twins I had horrible thoughts. I watched a film when I was about five months pregnant and I ended up having terrible dreams. Now, this film was a horror film and just horrible really. One scene had a person put on a tea trolley or hospital trolley (never sure what to call them). In the film, this person met a terrible end and I found it hard to watch.

My dream was being on this trolley as a pregnant woman with twins. They were then trying to tell me that the babies were coming and if they didn’t come they would take matters into their own hands. I was shackled to the trolley and it was uncomfortable, scary, and freaky. They were going to cut me open to save the babies. I of course was screaming, NO! They are not ready. It is too early and stuff like this.

The room I was in was like the bottom of a hospital that was all tiled and not kept very clean at all, it also reminded me of some shows that use disused railway stations as it looked rather like those.

I woke very upset and was thankful it was a dream. Maybe horror films when pregnant is not a good idea!

Flash forward to being pregnant with Alexander and I had all sorts of concerns. They were the following:

  1. Due to having one baby, this child will be HUGE and be horrible to have.
  2. Since I thought that this child might be enormous I would need a C-Section.
  3. The baby would not be head down and cause issues.
  4. I knew that the baby was due on the 7th of January and had no idea that he would come exactly on his due date. I did have thoughts that I might have a New Year’s Day baby and be on the front page of the local paper.

 

“Local woman gives birth to the biggest baby on New Years’ Day 2016”.

 As you can see I still was panicked about having a HUGE BABY!

Scans did show that my third child was indeed on the small side. This however did not relieve my very active imagination and concern.

I was fully aware that this was only one baby this time. This baby could spread themselves to every corner of my insides and be a record weight. I know… I was so fixated on the baby being too big.

I did have my reasons to be freaked out about the birth.  The first birth (with the twins) was not fabulous and mind you birth is not pleasant on any level.

The midwifes at the local hospital kept on insisting due to age that certain things would happen and that it might be classified as a high-risk pregnancy. Oh, how silly I thought.

I have already had a high-risk pregnancy with twins and all was well. I do understand things can change but why freak out the mum to be with what ifs. I ended up having a very healthy pregnancy and all was well with our third little person.

If help or intervention was needed to save the baby or myself I would have not stood in their way, however if it is not needed and all is well, then I say let nature decide when the baby comes and don’t intervene.

Maybe the hospital helped with my visions of horrible things happening while pregnant? I think they contributed in a small way. Wanting me to be induced for no actual reason, saying that I will develop gestational diabetes due to age I’m sure was not helpful. For the record, I had my third child naturally on his estimated due date and was lucky not to get gestational diabetes.

 

All my concerns were unfounded.

My baby was tiny compared to what my brain thought it would be.

This is what happened. I had a normal to smaller sized baby that was very healthy. Lucky nothing went wrong and all my fears were unfounded.
This is what happened. I had a normal to smaller sized baby that was very healthy. Lucky nothing went wrong and all my fears were unfounded.

All the scans kept on saying how small it was going to be, however, I could not tell myself that this would be the case. I was freaking myself out.

It also could have been the fact that my second pregnancy with Alexander lasted longer than my first. The twins were born at 34 weeks and 2 days. Alexander came exactly at the 40-week mark. This meant more time to grow. More time for anything else to happen… I did not know but I knew that anything past 34 weeks was overdue for me.

 

Did you do this?

Are you currently pregnant and freaking yourself out?

What is the weirdest thought or dream that you have had while pregnant?

I just want to say that all the things that you are thinking could happen will most likely not happen so just relax and enjoy the day. Enjoy the time being pregnant if you can, and if you are able take a nap. You might be too busy soon to rest so get in now. Although this might be hard if you are working or have other children.

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Categories
Family

Bonding with Baby

How long did it take you to bond with your baby?

Do you think it was an instantaneous thing? Well for some that happens, but for others it can take a while.

According to a national survey that interviewed 500 women, “seven out of ten mums think they are going to bond at birth with their bubs, but more than half find it takes much longer than that.

Pinky McKay a Lactation consultant has said, ‘baby bonding was “a bit like falling in love” Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it takes ages for the magic to develop. “(Herald Sun, July 24, 2016)

The national survey was commissioned by WOTBaby which is an app that acts like a midwife in your pocket. It is a good tool for parents to consult and it goes up to six months of age.

The WOTBaby app was developed by Jen Hamilton who is a mothercraft nurse.

“In my experience, I generally find on average, mums truly bond with their child at four to five months,” Ms Hamilton said. (Herald Sun, July 24, 2016)

If you are not one of the mums that had the instant bonding moment then you might feel like it is a problem with you. Well you are fine! Trust me. Being pregnant, labor, birth, and now suddenly you have a new little person to care for. It is a BIG SHOCK to the system, and more so if you have twins or more.

The girls love their baby brother.
The girls love their baby brother.

 

Depending on what happened during the birth and afterwards you could have very different reactions to your little bundle of joy.

Here are some things that could delay or not help with bonding:

  • New mum and overwhelmed. Tired or actually more like exhausted. (I was like the walking dead when I first had the twins. Up all the time to feed, change nappies and to also express breast milk. It was a big blur of feeling like I had no sleep)
  • Problems breast feeding. If your baby does not take to it or if you have difficulties it cannot help with the bonding process. (I had to express both times with the twins and now my little boy. We did try breast feeds but it did not work out well for us)
  • Getting Mastitis/ill. I got very ill with mastitis after having Alexander and ended up in hospital for about 3-4 days. I needed antibiotics intravenously and it was not fun. I had the baby with me but it was tough.
  • Premature babies/baby. In my case the twins were born 6 weeks early so they were taken to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) It was hard to bond with babies that were not with me all the time and the fact that they were confined to a humicrib made things difficult.
  • Still recovering from the birth. Depending on what type of birth you had you might still need to rest. This can make caring for a new baby more difficult and can impact on bonding.
  • Support network. Having a good support network is ideal. I know it is hard with everyone being so busy these days, plus living further and further away from each other. If your partner can allow you to have some down time, this can help you to recharge your batteries. It might be harder if you have older children and now a newborn. If people offer help accept it! Don’t put pressure on yourself. Everyone is not perfect. Although you look outside at others and they might appear to have it all together I’m sure they are worrying or annoyed about something. Things take time. Unreal expectations is not healthy and we have all done this, judging ourselves by what we think we should be like or doing. I say take your time. Do your thing and just keep going. You will learn the cues of your little baby, you will figure out what the grunts and gurgles mean. In time you will feel more confident about everything. Learning a new person takes time.

I took a while to bond with my darling twins. I loved them to bits but due to them being in the NICU, being super tired, first time mum, recovering from a very long birth (over 30 hours) as you can imagine things were hectic and I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do.

After I had the twins the nurses at the NICU were ringing my room to ask me for breast milk. As I just had them and these were my first children the breast milk had not come in yet. Great more pressure. One baby was okay on formula until I got my breastmilk but the other little girl was on strike. She hated the formula and was listed as nil by mouth! Oh gosh….. More phone calls to my room asking for breast milk. More visits by nurses trying to play with my boobs to help me get breast milk and all while I struggled to keep my eyes open.

Since I was in a room on my own and the twins were in the NICU I was told to have pictures of them to help me with the breast milk situation. I did think at times it was all a dream. Did I have kids? Oh yes, I’m in a hospital. Yes I did. Where are they??? Oh that’s right they are in intensive care. It was a very surreal moment and one that I did not feel I could discuss with anyone else. I felt that I would be judged.

Mummy and the girls on the 27th of Sept, 2008. Katoomba Hosp. Julia on left, Lillian on right.
Mummy and the girls on the 27th of Sept, 2008. Katoomba Hosp. Julia on left, Lillian on right.

So as you can see my first experience was unique due to having twins as my first children. Now looking back to the birth with our little boy in January this year it was completely different. The birth and care was so much nicer and calmer… maybe that was due to one baby this time or the fact that he was born on his due date? Maybe it was also due to not having a full room of student doctors, nurses, and two doctors for each baby, extra support people and two humidicribs for the twins. Having one baby that was on time meant that I had one midwife, one nurse, hubby and me in the delivery room. It was so nice to not have a full gallery of people there.

Due to having one baby this time, also being a good weight and being born on his due date he was put on me after birth. This was a nice experience as it did not happen when the twins were born. It allowed me to have some time cuddling our new little person and to help bond.

I did find that due to some issues with our little boy not latching on the breast properly, and having silent reflux, being fussy about things it made the first three months rather difficult. He screamed the place down due to having air in his belly and it was hard to remove! I think with age he got better and therefore after about three months he was much calmer, and this made feeding and the bedtime routine easier.

Alexander and I on the day he was born. It was nice to have the first cuddles. Look at all that hair!
Alexander and I on the day he was born. It was nice to have the first cuddles. Look at all that hair!

Another concern was how the twins would bond with the baby. We did not know if it was a boy/girl, although Julia wanted the baby to be a girl. She wanted to be the three sisters and have a picture taken at the Three Sisters at Katoomba. As you know we had a boy and the twins are so in love with their little baby brother. They help out and dote on him all the time, he is going to be a very spoilt little boy. My worries were for nothing. Did you do this when you had the second or third child? Stress about how the other kids would go with the new baby?

Our family is complete with our little baby boy and our twin girls. We love our kids to bits, and would not change anything. It took a while to get into the swing of things and that helped us learn everything about our three cheeky monkeys.

3 tips to remember!

  1. Bonding is a personal experience. Don’t measure or judge yourself on what others are doing.
  2. Don’t put pressure on yourself if bonding with baby is not instant. It can take up to six months or maybe more.
  3. Don’t confuse not bonding with not loving your baby. You’re a mum, of course, you love your baby and the bonding will happen, so just relax and it will happen when it happens.

If you are experiencing postnatal depression/postnatal anxiety or having issues bonding with their baby contact PANDA on 1300 726 306. The hotline is open from 10am to 5pm.

 

Due to the launch of WOTbaby the topic of bonding with babies has been in the media. I was on Today Extra with Jen Hamilton discussing the issue.

I was also featured in an article by Smooth FM called, “When you don’t bond with your baby instantly”.

Let us know how you went with your first or second or third babies? Was it the same or different? How did you go?

Categories
Birth

Birth of Number 3

As per my previous post called, “Our latest Family Member”, we had to go to Nepean to have our third child. I did not want to go there due to what happened with the birth of the twins. However we had no choice.

Having birthday cuddles with our latest addition
Having birthday cuddles with our latest addition

We were finally at the hospital and due to the stress of the situation hubby parked in the car park. Yes I thought he would drop me off at emergency and go and park the car later. I asked why he did this at the time and he said, “Well, we are going to be here for a while”. Yes true but for someone that is finding it hard to walk due to constant contractions walking across a carpark to emergency to then be told to go to another building was not ideal to say the least!

Once parked hubby told me to get out of the car when I was ready. He had to wait a bit due to a contraction happening just as he opened the door. My legs were like jelly and I found it really hard to move due to the contractions making all my legs, pelvis and back go into spasms and just freeze. It was very painful, and I had to wait until they were over. So if you can imagine me walking then having to stop in the middle of the carpark every 5mins that would give you a picture of what it was like. Maybe a wheelchair from emergency might have been the way to go! This was arranged when I had the twins…. Although I think the race to get to the hospital freaked hubby out and he just lost it with the idea of a wheelchair and just wanted to get us to the hospital.

Once we figured out where we were supposed to be (the birthing suites or rooms) the nurses/midwives knew who we were due to Katoomba Hospital ringing ahead, which saved a lot of fussing about explaining everything.

I was then asked, “Would I like some pain relief?”

My response was YES! OF COURSE I WANT DRUGS TO HELP ME

Someone then said what would I like, and I then said, what do you have????

Yes open to everything and all if it helps make the pain go away!

I was offered morphine (I was told that I needed to use the gas to get the morphine injection. I found it interesting that I was having gas to therefore get another drug. The nurse said the injection can hurt a bit, and she was right. I think someone I mentioned this too said that it is injected into the muscle and that would explain why the nurse wanted me to be on gas to have the injection. I thought it was strange, but it did help a bit) and once that worked it helped a great deal. It certainly took the edge off the pain for a bit. Hubby said that once it started working I looked very out of it. I did not care! Bring on the medicine to make it not hurt as much. I am not a fan of natural birthing that you will feel it all. Even on drugs to take the edge off it hurt, so I can only imagine how horrible it would have been without them.

During this phase of the night I was telling hubby that I did not want to do it anymore, that I just wanted to go home and not be here. I don’t want to do it. Please can we go home I said? He just looked at me and said, “It is a little late for that” I know it was but I was scared and did not want to do what I knew was coming.

Why can’t the husband or partner do the subsequent child? I have visions of saying it is your turn. I then can hold his hand while he pushes out our child. Science has given us so much and maybe it can work on this. I know that men having kids will probably never happen but why can’t the baby come out small via your belly button and grow on the outside. Maybe a good idea???? (Maybe a futuristic idea) Not sure but might save all the bother of pushing a baby out of your bits…. Let me know your thoughts.

While I was still under the trippy and nice effects of morphine they prepped me for an epidural. Although before this happened I explained my fear of having it again and not working. When having the twins I had one and felt everything but could not move my legs. I was constantly asked by the doctors, nurses and midwives with the twin birth to move my legs but could not. I told them if they wanted them moved they would have to do it. Annoying that they never listened. I was hoping that this birth would be different.

I did not know what to do. I did want the epidural but did not want a repeat of what happened last time. I know that there can be no guarantees but I thought I would give it another go and hope for the best.

The anaesthesiologist listened to my fears and what happened last time as did the midwife. I then decided without a doubt to see if it will be different this time. I was told all the horrible things that could go wrong and the chances of it happening. I was completely freaked out. I still thought it was the way to go.

I had it done and the epidural started working. It was so good that I managed to fall asleep. Yes I slept while still having contractions. Who knew that this was possible? This epidural was completely different from the twin birth, I could not feel anything, I was blissfully unaware of anything for a long time, well until it started to wear off and the baby was pressing on my hip bone and pelvis and I could not get comfortable. I asked for more drugs… however they said that I could not have more and it was time to get the baby out.

The midwife told me that due to the morphine and the position of the baby that its heart rate was dropping and I needed to get it out as soon as I could. I said that I would do my best. She mentioned that we still had time and that it was not in distress yet, but if it went on any longer it could be and then they would want to make an executive decision on how they vacate the baby from my belly. Gosh, NO!

I did not want to have a C-section or have any unnecessary things happen unless it was life threatening, and I do understand if the baby is under distress but I was so close to having it happen naturally.

I tried to push while lying on the bed and sitting up a bit, but it was no good. I could not get comfortable and it was terribly painful due to the baby’s head on my hip and pelvic bone…. Very sore indeed!

It was suggested that I be on my side with a leg up in the air and to help reposition the baby… it did not help with repositioning but it was more comfortable to push from this weird acrobatic position. Not the way I was thinking it would happen and definitely not glam but childbirth is not a glam affair.

I was told to put my chin to my chest, hold my breath while having a leg up in the air all on my side. Yes a strange visual!  I then had to hold my breath while working with the contraction and these contractions this time I felt over my belly and also to in my back but now I understand what contractions actually feel like. I found it hard to do all this while holding my breath. I had a terrible time as holding my breath made me want to pass out and I could not let out a sound or a grunt due to losing the momentum to push (energy or something with the breath). The midwife wanted me to do it in lots of threes so that we could get the baby out. Oh god, I found it hard just doing one!

After holding my breath I found that I wanted to throw up and they were concerned and I had a sick bag just in case. It did not happen but I felt nauseous and also had a bit of reflux during the whole process of holding my breath to try and get baby out.

During all of this a doctor came in to see how progress was going. I think the midwife wanted the doctor to check in to make sure that we had a backup plan if baby went into distress and needed help to come out. GOSH, now the doctor was talking about forceps and other things…. I hated the salad servers last time and due to the epidural not working I felt everything…. It was like I was being killed. I did not want that ever again.

The doctor left and then the midwife and nurse were talking about cutting me. WHAT THE???? YOU ARE GOING TO DO WHAT NOW?

They said that it would help the baby come out. I said no PLEASE DON’T CUT ME. I ended up negotiating them to give me more time to get the baby out.

I did not want them to cut me. No please no!

They were very keen to give me an episiotomy but I had no idea that is what they were wanting to do. I just did not want to be hurt even more if not needed.

I was so determined to get this baby out now! Hubby said you need to get the baby out. I got angry and just pushed and pushed and pushed. I was nearly passing out due to holding my breath and my acrobatic poses but I was on a mission.

The midwife yelled, wow we see a head full of black hair! Oh gosh, really this baby is going to have darker hair? I thought it would be like the girls and be bald and blonde, but you never know right. We still did not know if it was a boy/girl that was still a surprise. I however knew once I got told the hair colour that it was a boy, I just had a feeling. Strange but true. Hubby said that it could be a girl, but I just had an inkly at this stage that it was a boy.

I kept on pushing and then baby was out and here in the world. The midwife and nurse said that they should have threatened me with the doctor and episiotomy hours ago.

Alexander and I on his birthday
Alexander and I on his birthday

I was lucky that all went well, I could do it all naturally and that I did not get cut! Yes very lucky indeed. Maybe getting angry was the magic ingredient.

In comparison to the twin birth it was much nicer. We only had the midwife a nurse and hubby and myself in the room. With the twin birth we had 2 doctors for each baby, a humidicrib for the baby and about 30 or so trainee doctors it felt. The room was packed and it was crowded. I did not have any stupid things that happened before happen this time. When was about 5cm dilated and in the birthing suite waiting to have the twins I had two doctors come in to tell me it would be great if I could wait till I was 36-38 weeks….talk about stupid! I also had nurses try to give me medicine I did not need after I had the babies and the list continues. This did not happen with the birth of our third child.

I was very upset to not be able to have our last child at Katoomba Hospital but was grateful that the experience was better and nicer than the last. I must say that pushing a person out of you is hard and tough, but the ladies that helped us for the birth of our son made it a more calmer process. So thanks so much to you all. One thing that was a bit weird was that the midwives that helped me had the same names that I had. The night before the baby was born the midwife on duty had the same first name, then there was shift change and the next midwife had my middle name. It was like I was meant to be there. Odd indeed.

What was the birth like for your second or third children? Did the process and what happened differ from your first child?

Was it more of a calmer experience with the second or third child compared to your first? Let us know.

 

Categories
Birth

Our latest Family Member

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I have been very busy dealing with our latest addition.

Our third child was born on the 7th of January, exactly on his due date. Yes how prompt is he. We had a little boy and his name is Alexander. The twins are super excited to be big sisters and to give him cuddles and help out.

Our latest family member Alexander was born exactly on his due date. How clever is he! Only 5% of babies do this. Maybe he will be a prompt person? You never know right?
Our latest family member Alexander was born exactly on his due date. How clever is he! Only 5% of babies do this. Maybe he will be a prompt person? You never know right?

Ever since I had my third child I have had no time. Yes you can probably relate if you have just had a baby. Up all night feeding, expressing breast milk and just trying to settle the baby. The house is a total mess, laundry  needs sorting, folding and to be put away. Things need to be tidied, chucked out or just put away. The essentials are happening, we are clean, have food and all is well, although life is a bit of a mess at the moment while we adjust to another person and trying to get into a routine. This is especially true due to having two kids who are full of beans that don’t seem to remember not to run, jump and bounce everywhere. It is not helpful once you have finally got the baby to sleep. Plus school drop offs and pick ups and also after school activities makes it harder to keep a routine. I have just planned to have food for Alexander, change of clothes, nappies and be ready if he needs anything while we are out.

This is my little boy. It was taken exactly when he was 5 weeks old. He looks very grown up here and also to a bit cheeky. I love the fact that you can see what he might look like when he grows up but also to that he such a cute little baby, well if I do say so myself. I am bias, I'm his mummy so I am allowed to be.
This is my little boy. It was taken exactly when he was 5 weeks old. He looks very grown up here and also to a bit cheeky. I love the fact that you can see what he might look like when he grows up but also to that he such a cute little baby, well if I do say so myself. I am bias, I’m his mummy so I am allowed to be.

Our latest addition is hard to settle after a feed. He did not latch on well to the breast. I did try breast feeding but he screamed the place down that he had not gotten enough milk. I thought all was good as he was asleep after these feeds and then attempted to put him to bed. Once tucked into bed he screamed the place down. He gave all the signs that he did not get enough and was indeed still hungry. Oh how could you be hungry???? You have just had some from each boob and now you are claiming you did not get enough! Oh well. I did more and more and that did not fix the issue.

Breast feeding was terribly painful and I thought it would get easier. The midwives said it was normal to have a bit of discomfort and you will get used to it. They came and saw how the baby was latching on and to see how I was dealing with the feeds. I did everything they said but due to the baby being fussy and getting into such a state he was angry and then very unsettled for feeding (It was like the baby was angry that the café or restaurant did not have his food ready at the time he requested. Terribly annoying when you have such bad service!) This is not the time to try and be putting him on the boob. I then got annoyed, angry and stressed and this was the same for the child. Not ideal.

I then came to the conclusion that I should just express my breast milk and feed the baby like I did with the twins. Our new little person seems much happier getting more milk in the bottle. He is still getting breastmilk and I am less stressed about feeding and he gets it when he needs it.

Expressing my breast milk while in hospital.
Expressing my breast milk while in hospital.

However due to him not latching on properly he hurt my nipples and this in turn made me get ill with mastitis. I left hospital to only be back one night and that one night I was up all night dealing with the baby. He feeds well when it is in the bottle but sucks in too much air and therefore holds a lot of wind. Trying to burp and wind a baby is tough when it goes on for over 4 hours!

Yes, it is stressful and exhausting. Then once you hit the 4 hour mark or less you are due for his next feed and you have to do it all over again. Plus add changing nappies for a child that screams like you are killing him while you try and get rid of the pooey nappy.

I have tried to write this post for days now and today he has been all over the place and very unsettled, so I have been adding to my post in stops and starts all day. He seems to like cuddles and wants to be with you. This is nice but when you have a house to look after, other kids and things to do it gets difficult. Maybe when he finally sleeps I can sleep too or get something else done. Lately I have been more focused on sleeping, hence why other things like house and blog have been unloved for a while.

As mentioned I was only home for a short time and that time I was hot and bothered with a fever, I also got extremely cold and had the worst headache I’ve ever had (I could not handle light and found it hard to see). I had temperatures that were 38.9 and an hour after having Panadol it came down to 39.6. So not much of an improvement. I felt terrible; very ill and like I had an extreme case of the flu or more like the walking dead. I called the hospital and they suggested I come in to be looked at. They agreed that I had mastitis and I ended up having antibiotics via an IV drip and stayed in hospital for another 3 days. Not fun, the IV antibiotics burnt when it went through my vein and made me have a very tender hand for the next week or so.

The cannula for the IV. I always hate having them done. Very painful.
The cannula for the IV. I always hate having them done. Very painful.

I did mention to the hospital before I left that I was burning up and was feeling all hot. I was told it was my hormones and that it will all settle down soon. It was obviously the infection starting and it just got worse when I came home. One of the midwives at the hospital said that I did the right thing by coming back to the hospital as she said it only gets worse if not treated.

I was convinced that I would have the baby earlier than it coming exactly on my due date, which in fact only 5% of babies do. So he is terribly clever to have done that. Maybe he heard the doctors say when he was meant to come, so thought he would adhere to that date. Maybe he might be a prompt person and always on time. I have no idea, but it is weird he came exactly when predicted.

I was so over being pregnant. I was approaching my due date and still no baby! Any week over 34 and 2 days for me was overdue; I had the twins at this time and any time after this felt like an eternity.

As I said, I was ready for the baby to come and was trying to coax it out. Here are some of the things I tried:

  • I was doing squats
  • I was having raspberry leaf tea
  • I went walking and tried to be more active
  • I ate chilli
  • I even had talks to the baby in my belly and was telling it that it needed to come soon as I was over it all. It of course did not listen.

As many women who are in the last trimester of their pregnancy you get to the point where you just want it to be all over and done with. I did not want to have the birth and was a bit worried about all that due to the drama from the twin birth and was concerned that it might be repeated.

My pregnant belly. Taken on 2nd of January 2016. Little did I know that just 5 days later the baby would be born.
My pregnant belly. Taken on 2nd of January 2016. Little did I know that just 5 days later the baby would be born.

I could not bend over. I was having pains and could feel things starting to move in the right direction but no labor had started. Damn! How annoying.

The hospital was doing their standard freak out as they were telling me that if I don’t have the baby by 39 weeks or I go over my due date they would like to induce me. What the????(The hospital said that if I go too far over my due date that could be high risk and they are not equipped for this, so if this happens then I would need to go to Nepean to have the baby) I have had an uncomplicated pregnancy. It is one child and not two like last time. I am not high risk, I did not develop gestational diabetes and have remained active throughout. I have even only gained 8kgs during the whole pregnancy so that was something that was good news for me. Although I felt like it was a lot more and I was HUGE.

I woke up at 4am on the 6th of January and noticed that things were happening. Yes 4am seems to be the lucky or weird hour that things happen. When I was pregnant with the twins my waters broke at 4am so this was strange that it all started again at this time. This was the day that the twins were going to vacation care and I had to get their lunches ready and all organised so that we could drop them off. I could not go back to bed and ended up having painful contractions that were extremely painful and I found it hard to walk and do anything. I checked the internet to see what needed to happen before I went to the hospital. The sites that I visited said that if I cannot walk and talk during contractions and if they are coming more frequently, if I lost my mucus plug, if I am in pain and not coping and so on. I thought this was all the case so phoned the hospital.

I spoke to a midwife who then said that it sounded like things were progressing and if all of the above had happened then it might be wise to come in and get looked at. She also mentioned some other things like breathing and something about pillows and my back and hubby helping. I was finding it hard to concentrate due to the pains that kept on coming and going.

Once hubby was we dropped the kids off at vacation care and then went straight to the hospital. This was just after 9am and they gave me a once over. The midwife we saw said that I was only 1 and half centimetres dilated and that I was not ready. Damn! Why can’t the baby be ready! All that pain to only be slightly ready…..very annoying.

13th of January, not even a week old.
13th of January, not even a week old.

While at the hospital the midwife told us that if we had the baby before a certain time we could come to Katoomba Hospital. If we had it after 7pm that evening then we would need to go to Nepean as Katoomba during this 24 hour period did not have a Doctor on call for the maternity ward and therefore could not have births there during this period. What the???? I go to a hospital for all my maternity care and now I cannot have the baby at the hospital of choice. Hubby and midwife suggested maybe mind power can help make the baby not come in this 24 hour period. I told both of them that I don’t think this would happen, as my body was doing things and feeling like it would be soon.

The midwife said that the way I was presenting that it will all kick off at 7pm and therefore would need to go to Nepean. I thought no way. But this lady sees a lot of women so maybe she knows what she is talking about. I thought we will see.

Hubby and I had plans to have lunch with some of our close friends so we went to the local pub all while having contractions. We went to the shops and although it was very slow going for me due to the fact contractions made me seize up and it was like all my legs, lower back and pelvis was in a muscle spasm. I could not move while it was happening, and during this I could feel the head banging to go further down…. YES painful!

7pm comes and we are reading stories to the kids and tucking them in for bedtime. My contractions were super painful and getting closer together and it was harder to talk and to do anything. They were 5-6mins apart at this stage.

I think the midwife jinxed us, as she predicted the time and the fact that it would all happen. Damn now we have to go down the mountain to Nepean due to the local hospital not being able to have us there. I called the hospital and this was a hard phone call due to being in pain with contractions coming and going. They said that we cannot come there, and that they would call ahead to Nepean and we needed to leave now due to the time it takes to get down the mountain and the times of my contractions. Oh great………a trip down the mountain in a car while I am screaming and in pain.

Hubby and I are in the car and screaming down the mountain due to impending birth (well I was definitely screaming). During our trip a P plate driver decides we are trying to race him and he revs up his car and tries to get in our way. A learner driver nearly crashed into our car, a truck nearly collected us and people did not get out of lanes so that we could get there more quickly. During the trip I of course was screaming and yelling due to the pain and the pressure was getting intense in my pelvis due to the baby pressing and pushing with even more gusto. I did not want to have the baby on the side of the road, or in the car. I was just hoping we would get to the hospital in time.

When you were pregnant did the hospital of your choice close at the time of labor or was not available for whatever reason? Did you have to race to go somewhere else when labor hit? Let us know.

 

Next posts: Birth of Number 3, Tongue Tie, Reflux or Just Fussy, and Bonding with Baby

 

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Categories
Birth

First Moments of Motherhood

Nearly seven years ago I became a mum for the first time. The twins came early like many babies do. We were ready as much as we could be. I had my bag packed ready to go. I never left the house without my neonatal card so that wherever I was I had it at the ready.

When the babies were born they were whisked away from me, due to being premmie. I of course was still attached to machinery so a nurse had to assist with all this. Hubby went to the NICU with the babies. After all was organised, I was placed in a wheel chair (as I could not move my legs from an epidural) and hubby escorted me to the NICU to see the girls.

After I saw the babies, I  then went to my bed upstairs in the ward. All other new mums had their babies with them, this was a fact that was obvious by the screaming and seeing the little of bundles in the cots next to my room mates for a time.

Mum and her baby
Mum and her baby

It might sound strange but I had a disconnect going on. I was so tired, sore and just needed rest. I managed to get some sleep and then got woken up by nurses and other noises at the hospital. I lay there in the bed thinking, did I just have babies? It felt so odd, to have babies and not be with them. It was like in a weird way it did not happen. It could just be the fact of not sleeping for 30 hours plus did this.

I made sure that I worked on getting the babies breast milk and visited all day and nights as well. I even changed nappies in a humidicrib!  This is rather difficult as the nappies were so tiny and so were the babies. Plus you can only have hands go in a certain area of the crib. You will know the awkwardness if you have done this task. NICU nurses should get medals for these amazing feats.

What was your first experience of motherhood? Were your babies premmie? Did the same thing happen to you? It was a strange feeling suddenly to be someones mum. I did have practice with my wonderful cat, but it is not the same is it? Well there are similarities but very different on the whole. The similarities is that you have to feed, take care, and give heaps of cuddles. One difference is your cat does not talk back and your child will.

Let us know your thoughts. Why not continue the discussion on our Facebook and Twitter pages.

 

Categories
Family

One to two

With Kate Middleton due to have her second child any day, there has been a tonne of advice about going from one to two children.

It has taken me back to my early days with my mother’s group when I first had the twins.

Okay, well I had two children right off the bat but had I not had twins, I may have shared the anxieties many of the women in my mother’s group. [Don’t get me wrong – I still had anxieties, ‘wow, how am I going to cope with twins?’]

The mum’s in my group wondered: How were they going to manage going from being mum to one, to mum to two and still leave the house?

How would they get out the door weighed down with enough stuff to appear as if they were leaving home never to return?

How would they get their older child off to school when new bub is napping?

They were all so worried that the difficulty factor would be so overwhelming it would be easier to just stay in.

New baby with his brother
New baby with his brother

Below is a great quote from Mindy @ Keeper of the Home.

“I have accepted the fact that I will need to find a new normal!  I’m still working toward what that is going to look like, but I know that we will get eventually there.  And although there are days that are tough, when I look at these two sweet babies of mine I know that it is oh so worth it!” 

 

Well, I can tell you from navigating all those challenges but without a running start, that you will do it.

Of course Kate will probably have a nanny for each child making life a tad easier.

For the rest of us mere mortals, I would share my own experience. I remember when I was worried about how I would cope with the twins.

I did stay in the house for a bit and was very concerned that I might not be able to work my pram. What if there was an issue? I would be on my own! I practiced putting the pram up and down in the house and when I was confident I ventured out with the babies.

It did not matter if it was to window shop at a major shopping centre or just chill under a tree at the park. We were out of the house and for me that felt like a success.

I had the pram in the boot, I strapped kids in car then once we arrived at our destination I somehow managed to assemble the pram and get two babies onboard.  When that mission was accomplished, I was on top of the world.

If you had seen me then, you would have spotted a woman walking around the shopping centre with a big smile plastered on her face. I know it was a small thing to do in the scheme of life, but I thought it was an amazing accomplishment. I got out of the house with two babies! Yeah, Me!

“Children reinvent your world for you”
Susan Sarandon

 

Sibling Love
Sibling Love

I have spoken to many mum’s bracing themselves for the shock of having two children.

Reading about Kate’s impending birth – and the interesting Women’s Weekly cover all about how George will cope (anyone else think that a bit odd?) it hit me, I have no concept of having one child.

However, for those about to know what caring for two children is like, here is my two cents for what it’s worth:

  • It’s okay to feel a bit daunted
  • It is hard but it won’t be hard for long. You got number one to sleep through the night and got him/her potty trained. That part for me was fun –double the challenge but once we were through it, we were done. Bravo.
  • Soon your little baby will sleep longer and you will get more rest. It will all just work fine.
  • Remind yourself that you did it once and you can do it again.
  • Having a schedule is great too. Make sure that the baby sleeps and eats at certain times.
  • The new baby has to adjust to life in your house, if you have some noise don’t suddenly become a super quiet household due to your new little person. I know sleeping time needs to be quite but you have to live life as well. A little bit of noise will not hurt, as long as it is within reason. I think the baby will adjust.
  • Don’t forget playtime and having a bit of sunshine does help you feel good and helps baby as well. Make sure to pick the safe times in the day to be out and about.

Having two kids is great; they can play together and will hopefully be great company for each other. It is nice that we have given each child a sister and having that support is lovely in life.

The most important thing I think is: Getting out and about

I must say the biggest challenge is getting out of the house and to all the normal appointments that you keep. Just putting yourself out there no matter how small the step is a wonderful achievement.

You should have been a fly on the wall when I managed to get kids in the crèche at the gym and be in an aqua aerobics class, now I felt that this was deserving of an award! Have you done something similar that you were super proud of when the kids were babies?

Not only did I get two kids fed, dressed and in the car. We arrived at the gym at the right time, I got them into care and I made my exercise class. Again I was the mad woman in the pool smiling at how brilliant this all was. I might have looked strange, but I did not care. I was at the gym. I was exercising and I got there with little babies with me. I was very happy! Did you have moments like this?

Getting out and about with your new baby
Getting out and about with your new baby

Are you about to have your second child?

Have you had other mums or parents confide or seek advice on having two kids rather than one? Let us know.

“Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last”
Charles Dickens

 

I do wish Kate Middleton well and hope all goes well for baby number two. Also if anyone else is set to have their second, third or more I wish you all well too.

Let us know your thoughts. Why not continue the discussion on our Facebook and Twitter pages.

 

Categories
Family

How Parents Really Feel

Healthdirect Australia who manages the national Pregnancy, Birth and Baby service conducted a survey to find out the concerns parents have being new parents, about pregnancy and the birth of their child or children.

Did you know that many parents have thoughts that they are unable to share with others. Sad really. Every parent has probably had the same thoughts and sharing will make you not feel so alone.

Pregnant and wondering what it will be like being a mummy.
Pregnant and wondering what it will be like being a mummy.

“The online survey of 1,011 expecting or new parents found that 53 per cent reported experiencing some issues that were so personal they couldn’t tell anyone.”

I do understand not wanting to share very personal information but at times having a person who you trust can help a great deal.

 

What were your biggest fears when you were pregnant?

Mine was just around the health of the baby and that the birth went well. Initially I was thinking that we were having one child, but that thought soon ended and the worry over a multiple pregnancy entered my head. I was fine but my doctor was rather concerned.

From the survey they were:

  • Something being “wrong” with their baby (49%)
  • Miscarriage (42%)
  • Coping financially (34%)

 

Baby crying... please go back to sleep!
Baby crying… please go back to sleep!

Emotional support is a big thing that is needed in the first stages of parenthood.

  • 71% needed significant emotional support in the first six months of parenthood
  • Men and women looked to their partner, friends and family as well for their support network.
  • GP’s was next on the list
  • Online forums was noted to be a good source of support as well.

I for one was super tired and a zombie like person after the birth of the twins. Constantly getting up every three or so hours to feed babies, change them and to make sure all is well with little people made me very, very, very tired!

It is no surprise that one of the biggest challenge once you have a new baby is the lack of sleep that parents face, especially the primary care giver. The next major issue was if your little bundle does not sleep at all. I was very lucky my kids slept well, I don’t know how I would have managed with babies up non-stop and I with no sleep either.

Factor in recovering from birth and if you have other children to care for as well. This would push your limits.

 

Sleepy baby
Sleepy baby

One third of respondents reported experiencing miscarriage. 32% sought counseling. It is difficult to talk about loss, feelings and pain.

“Pregnancy, Birth and Baby was set up specifically to help people struggling with issues around pregnancy and birth, and that includes pregnancy, stillbirth, neonatal and infant loss. We’d encourage anyone dealing with a tough time to call us on our 24 hour help line on 1800 882 436, or visit our website at www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au.

I have my down times when everything feels horrible and like I am a complete failure. Yes I suppose everyone goes through this. Terrible mother moments, and self-doubt creep in.

I then look at all the good things that I have done.

My kids are:

  • Happy
  • Healthy
  • Smart
  • Love hubby and me
  • Giggly
  • Funny
  • Active
  • Considerate
  • Helpful
  • Caring
  • They are also sometimes naughty, silly and don’t listen but that is kids for you.

On the whole. I am doing a good job. I think you are too. Don’t beat yourself up over some little things. So what if the house is a mess. So what if you did not have a shower to drop kids at school. If you brushed your teeth and hair and managed to get kids dressed and sorted for school that is an accomplishment in itself. You can always have a nice relaxing shower or bath while kids are at school or care. This way you can relax!

Focus on the positives. Take small wins and if someone offers to help you accept it. When the kids were babies I had family come over all the time to help me out. It was a nice time and much needed.

A father with his new little baby. Finally sleeping. Now not to move!
A father with his new little baby. Finally sleeping. Now not to move!

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Helpful Tip

Oh and one other thing. If you are pregnant and about to give birth. Freeze about three months of meals in a freezer. If you have to add rice or salad that is easy, but having all the hard cooking done makes things ten times easier, especially when you are tired and don’t have the time or energy to cook.

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Don’t worry about reaching out for support or help. This is what these organisations and groups are there for.

Anything that helps and makes you feel better is a positive and is good for the family.

See below for all the info about HealthDirect Australia and Pregnancy, Birth and Baby.

 

ABOUT HEALTHDIRECT AUSTRALIA: Healthdirect Australia is a publicly funded company, established to provide all Australians with access to trusted health information and advice, when and where they need it. We deliver a number of health services, including Pregnancy, Birth and Baby- free 24hr advice and through pregnancy, childbirth and the first year of parenthood. For more information visit: www.healthdirect.gov.au.

 

ABOUT PREGNANCY, BIRTH AND BABY: Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is an initiative of the Federal Government and offers free, confidential information and support to women and their partners through pregnancy, childbirth and the first year of parenthood. The service is also available to friends and relatives.

Becoming a parent can sometimes be challenging or overwhelming, and it’s reassuring to know there is expert help and support available whenever you need it, 24 hours a day, seven days a week:

By phone: call 1800 882 436 at any time of the day or night. Our staff can answer any questions you may have, give you advice on what to do next, and redirect you to other useful services.

Video call: Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is one of the world’s first health services to offer a secure, high quality video call option, 7am – midnight, 7 days: http://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/video-call

Online: The Pregnancy, Birth and Baby website provides information for expecting and new parents on a range of topics. The information is easy to understand, up to date and has been subject to Healthdirect Australia’s strict quality assurance processes: www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au

Let us know your thoughts. Why not continue the discussion on our Facebook and Twitter pages.

 

Categories
Exercise

20mins/Day with Body Beyond Birth

2015 is my year to focus on me and changes for the better.

I had grand plans:

  • Get fit.
  • Get toned.
  • Eat well, or at least healthier and cut down on my portion sizes.

Have you still kept up your goal from Jan 1st 2015 to be a fitter and healthier version of you? I’m sending you a big virtual hug for all those that manage to keep going with a busy and hectic schedule.

Yes I have tried but as mother to two active and on the go kids, plus doing everything else a mum orta do I don’t end up fitting in exercise. Does this sound like what happens with you?

I don’t know how you end up feeling if you neglect the exercise, but if I end up missing out I get annoyed, frustrated and a little crabby that I did not manage to fit it all in. Silly really but that little bit of time for me that allows my body to unwind, stretch and relax does make a massive difference in my day and mood. It also allows me to feel better and therefore be happier.

 

 

So how can this be fixed?

Just doing 20 minutes of exercise a day. It can be in the morning before kids get up. While they are at school, or sleeping.

 

I was approached by the lovely ladies at Body Beyond Birth , Becky and Jackie. To trial their 12 week program. I of course would love to be fitter and healthier so I was happy and delighted to trial their amazing program.

The program is aimed at busy mums. Becky and Jackie have wonderful instruction videos that are Pilates based and help tone your core and pelvic floor (Yes we need to remember to exercise this area!) Yoga videos are available to watch also as well as meditation

The recipe pages are divine, look yummy and are good for you! They have recipe’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The site also has great print outs of what are actual portion sizes and other great nutritional info that is a good read.

Breakfast Smoothie from Body Beyond Birth
Breakfast Smoothie from Body Beyond Birth

What are my thoughts so far?

  • I only joined last Tuesday. I have done my first week. I love the exercises as they make me feel taller. The stretching and toning the core is exactly what I need. I need to focus on my back and stomach to ensure I don’t get more back aches and of course take care of my pelvic floor.
  • The week one exercise video was good and all about form and control of the exercise.
  • Week two’s exercise video was great as it is progressing with some holding techniques and allowing me to stretch and work other areas of my core, stomach and back.
  • When I first signed up, I did not know where to place myself. You can put yourself as a beginner (stage 1), Someone who exercises a bit (stage 2), or someone who is full on and wants to push the limits (stage 3). I chose stage 2 and this seems right for me. However during my phone conversation with Jackie she said that if you are at the wrong stage and the plan is too easy or too hard they can move you to the most appropriate level for you. Jackie said, “I want for people to be happy with the exercises they are doing. We don’t want to have it too hard for some people or too easy. We are happy to fix this for a client if needed”
  • I love the fact that you can take this exercise program anywhere. All you need is an iPad or Tablet device and you can do your 20mins of exercise.
  • The exercise videos from all weeks are available to access during the program. If you would like to redo week 1’s exercise video you can and then progress to the week 2’s or other weeks depending on what you would like to do.
Yoga with Zoe, from Body Beyond Birth
Yoga with Zoe, from Body Beyond Birth

Outcomes

I will be sharing my outcomes on the blog each week. So please stop by and see how I’m going. I should have done the my measurements but have not so will do that soon (I will not be sharing but would like to know if the program has helped and made a difference)

Please feel free to drop by Body Beyond Birth to check out their fab site and see if you would like to do their 12 week program as well. Or you can just do their 7 day trial to see if you like it.  Give it a go or drop them a line.

 

Do you find since kids it is a struggle to fit in exercise? Let us know what you do to make sure you fit it in.

 

Let us know your thoughts. Why not continue the discussion on our Facebook and Twitter pages.