Tag: no help

Categories
3 years and beyond

Not helpful

Today I encountered a most unfriendly and rude soul. Not sure if it was a bad day for her or if it just her way. Read below to see if this has happened to you.

I was out today at an indoor play area. I got talking with grandparents while their grandchildren played. Mine were playing with the eldest child. I was holding on and on, but could not anymore; I had to go to the toilet. Before I got up the mother of the kids came back. I stood up and walked over to their table and said, “I am just going to the toilet, just in case something happens with the girls, if you can keep an eye on them that would be great?” It was met with a strange look like I was talking a foreign language and then she said, “So what do you expect me to do?”, I then replied, “I was just saying that I was off to the toilet and in case the kids were upset and they wondered where I was, that’s all.”

Kids seemed fine and I went to the toilet, she was a B#$ch. What is one to do when you are there by yourself with 2 kids? If there was a staff member around I would have asked them like before, but there was none to be seen. Talk about attitude….. It was like she was thinking she was mother superior and I was beneath her.

I for one have minded other kids while the parent went to the loo or to get a coffee if the place was unmanned. Why is it a reach to think that this might happen? There a lot  of responsibility associated with the role ( by this I mean, she did not have to do anything other than watch them). My kids were playing with her eldest and were all having fun. Was just concerned leaving them as I did not want to think mummy was leaving, they might have gotten worried or there could be an accident and at least the adult knows that I am coming back. Other things like people taking my kids without me knowing who you are do come to mind, if this person who did not help knows I will be back soon she will not allow someone to come and claim kids that are not theirs (well that is what I hope).

I for one don’t have family support to take kids or mind kids while I go and do things or at least leave them in the play area while I race to the bathroom. I think maybe some people who have help don’t know what it is like to have none.

One friend I mentioned this to, suggested it is sad that the lady was unhelpful and the loss of community that this indicates. I agree with this wholeheartedly. Why is it that we cannot help each other out more, especially if you are mum alone with kids and you need to urgently go to the bathroom?   Send in your stories of what has happened to you.

 

Categories
3 years and beyond University Study

Outside v’s inside work

Why is it that as a mother you have to look after kids and still try and get the housework done? The husband gets space to do outdoors work (and other things); with a little help from the girls he basically got time to get it all done. I know both jobs are not fun and a lot of work, however it is very hard to get the house tidy with two little people wanting you to spend time with them, play with them, cuddle them and you get the idea.

I managed yesterday to get the bathroom clean, but this was only due to me putting the kids in their room for enforced quiet time. Not really quiet time, however it is time that mummy can do things without two kids under foot.  Other than the bathroom, the kitchen got a little tidier and so did the living room. Other than those rooms, not much got done.

At lunch time today we are expecting the girl’s great aunt and her girlfriend for lunch, so I am working away at finalising the house. I have tidied our room and added fresh sheets to the bed; I have put more clothes in the washing machine (need to put clothes on the line), tidied up the living room yet again, the hallway and off to do the dining room and kitchen for finishing touches.

While I am doing all this my husband is at the computer figuring out an issue with his email. I did ask that he get up and help, however his view was that he is tired from yesterday. He did do a lot of yard work and the entire front yard. Not only did he cut and prune trees and shrubs, he mowed as well. It does look great, and I can imagine that his body is a bit sore and tired.  Although I think that as his relative is coming that maybe he might help with the inside? Is this too much to ask? I really don’t think so. So I thought why not update the blog if other people are at the computer as well.

I also find it incredible that even on holidays I am the one that is mainly looking after the girls. I have told him that this weekend and Monday I need to focus on my assignment for university. I have no choice as it is due by midnight Monday evening.  So after lunch time today and family time tomorrow, he is looking after the kids.

The girls do get involved in some tasks to help, putting their shoes in their room, helping putting away groceries, they have cleaned their room although this was just them putting all their toys on the shelves,  wiping down tables however the use of the spray is way to much, putting away toys in the toy box, and some other things. I find that it is hard to get these things done, although I am trying to involve the girls so that they are learning to put things away also.

Do you have any tips or tricks for getting housework and other things done with kids? What do you do? Some ladies I spoke to said that they don’t bother if the kids are around, I do try but nothing seems to ever get completed. Why do you as a woman get criticised for not completing the inside when you had other things to care for, namely two children.   I would like on this Easter break to finally get help with cleaning the windows, and time to do some other things, maybe my sewing?  One can only hope. Send in your ideas for doing chores/housework and other tasks with kids around.

Categories
3 years and beyond

No more yelling!!!!

I must say it is hard dealing with two 3 year olds when they don’t listen, think things are funny when they are in trouble, break things, keep on doing things that you tell them not to do, and test you in every way imaginable. It is also does not help that I cannot just hand them to someone and say, please I need a break, and you deal for a while. However that said I do try and deal with it well, but there are times that I do lose my cool and yell. I know that this is not a good thing to do, but it does happen. I am sure everyone is in the same boat. Lately I have experienced others yelling, and it brought home that I too need to change what I do, and make the house a calmer place to be. My aim is to have a nice calm house, with no yelling.  I know. We will see if it can be done.

Lately I have been trying to see if just explaining nicely in a calm voice will help more than yelling. It seems to be but as I said I do have my moments that I get very angry and frustrated like everyone. I have been trying to tell them that if they act the way they are acting then the visit, or playgroup/play-date will not happen. This seems to be helping as they are very keen to go out and have adventures. They are realising that if they act up they will not get the treat of going out; it is sad that you have to bribe the child to behave themselves.

Below is a quote from an article called, “Yelling at kids – the effects“, that is on Kidspot.com.au

“Talking in anger to your child is likely to affect his emotional development if, as a direct result of what you’ve said, he no longer feels you love him unconditionally or that he is safe and secure. Your child needs to feel your support and guidance, which will help him build the confidence to attempt new things and continue to grow in areas where he is already confident. If he feels anxious about being personally criticised or ridiculed, he will be less willing to takes chances.”

When I was young my father yelled and acted out a lot, when he wanted something done he yelled and screamed and got very angry. This affected me, when teachers would yell or pressure me for answers to questions, my mind went blank. I just could not tell them anything. This made them think that I was not smart. Teachers then did not try to teach me as you were in the dumb class. This is not the case now (getting distinctions at uni), but I am sure if it did not happen, things might have been different.   I am noticing that I don’t want to have the girls in that type of environment or create it either.

It is hard when you are feeling stuck, you are on your own, no help and it is a constant that never lets up. I always thought that work was hard, but now after kids, work is easy, give me a paid job anytime. As the primary care giver it is a tough job and if you have no assistance it is doubly tough. So if the kids are not listening or doing anything that you have told them to do, what is the answer? Here are some links that might help.

What do you do to keep calm in your household? How do you get your kids to listen to you? Are you trying not to yell, what are your techniques?  Send your comments to me and we can all share and learn from each other.