Categories
Birth

Birth of Number 3

As per my previous post called, “Our latest Family Member”, we had to go to Nepean to have our third child. I did not want to go there due to what happened with the birth of the twins. However we had no choice.

Having birthday cuddles with our latest addition
Having birthday cuddles with our latest addition

We were finally at the hospital and due to the stress of the situation hubby parked in the car park. Yes I thought he would drop me off at emergency and go and park the car later. I asked why he did this at the time and he said, “Well, we are going to be here for a while”. Yes true but for someone that is finding it hard to walk due to constant contractions walking across a carpark to emergency to then be told to go to another building was not ideal to say the least!

Once parked hubby told me to get out of the car when I was ready. He had to wait a bit due to a contraction happening just as he opened the door. My legs were like jelly and I found it really hard to move due to the contractions making all my legs, pelvis and back go into spasms and just freeze. It was very painful, and I had to wait until they were over. So if you can imagine me walking then having to stop in the middle of the carpark every 5mins that would give you a picture of what it was like. Maybe a wheelchair from emergency might have been the way to go! This was arranged when I had the twins…. Although I think the race to get to the hospital freaked hubby out and he just lost it with the idea of a wheelchair and just wanted to get us to the hospital.

Once we figured out where we were supposed to be (the birthing suites or rooms) the nurses/midwives knew who we were due to Katoomba Hospital ringing ahead, which saved a lot of fussing about explaining everything.

I was then asked, “Would I like some pain relief?”

My response was YES! OF COURSE I WANT DRUGS TO HELP ME

Someone then said what would I like, and I then said, what do you have????

Yes open to everything and all if it helps make the pain go away!

I was offered morphine (I was told that I needed to use the gas to get the morphine injection. I found it interesting that I was having gas to therefore get another drug. The nurse said the injection can hurt a bit, and she was right. I think someone I mentioned this too said that it is injected into the muscle and that would explain why the nurse wanted me to be on gas to have the injection. I thought it was strange, but it did help a bit) and once that worked it helped a great deal. It certainly took the edge off the pain for a bit. Hubby said that once it started working I looked very out of it. I did not care! Bring on the medicine to make it not hurt as much. I am not a fan of natural birthing that you will feel it all. Even on drugs to take the edge off it hurt, so I can only imagine how horrible it would have been without them.

During this phase of the night I was telling hubby that I did not want to do it anymore, that I just wanted to go home and not be here. I don’t want to do it. Please can we go home I said? He just looked at me and said, “It is a little late for that” I know it was but I was scared and did not want to do what I knew was coming.

Why can’t the husband or partner do the subsequent child? I have visions of saying it is your turn. I then can hold his hand while he pushes out our child. Science has given us so much and maybe it can work on this. I know that men having kids will probably never happen but why can’t the baby come out small via your belly button and grow on the outside. Maybe a good idea???? (Maybe a futuristic idea) Not sure but might save all the bother of pushing a baby out of your bits…. Let me know your thoughts.

While I was still under the trippy and nice effects of morphine they prepped me for an epidural. Although before this happened I explained my fear of having it again and not working. When having the twins I had one and felt everything but could not move my legs. I was constantly asked by the doctors, nurses and midwives with the twin birth to move my legs but could not. I told them if they wanted them moved they would have to do it. Annoying that they never listened. I was hoping that this birth would be different.

I did not know what to do. I did want the epidural but did not want a repeat of what happened last time. I know that there can be no guarantees but I thought I would give it another go and hope for the best.

The anaesthesiologist listened to my fears and what happened last time as did the midwife. I then decided without a doubt to see if it will be different this time. I was told all the horrible things that could go wrong and the chances of it happening. I was completely freaked out. I still thought it was the way to go.

I had it done and the epidural started working. It was so good that I managed to fall asleep. Yes I slept while still having contractions. Who knew that this was possible? This epidural was completely different from the twin birth, I could not feel anything, I was blissfully unaware of anything for a long time, well until it started to wear off and the baby was pressing on my hip bone and pelvis and I could not get comfortable. I asked for more drugs… however they said that I could not have more and it was time to get the baby out.

The midwife told me that due to the morphine and the position of the baby that its heart rate was dropping and I needed to get it out as soon as I could. I said that I would do my best. She mentioned that we still had time and that it was not in distress yet, but if it went on any longer it could be and then they would want to make an executive decision on how they vacate the baby from my belly. Gosh, NO!

I did not want to have a C-section or have any unnecessary things happen unless it was life threatening, and I do understand if the baby is under distress but I was so close to having it happen naturally.

I tried to push while lying on the bed and sitting up a bit, but it was no good. I could not get comfortable and it was terribly painful due to the baby’s head on my hip and pelvic bone…. Very sore indeed!

It was suggested that I be on my side with a leg up in the air and to help reposition the baby… it did not help with repositioning but it was more comfortable to push from this weird acrobatic position. Not the way I was thinking it would happen and definitely not glam but childbirth is not a glam affair.

I was told to put my chin to my chest, hold my breath while having a leg up in the air all on my side. Yes a strange visual!  I then had to hold my breath while working with the contraction and these contractions this time I felt over my belly and also to in my back but now I understand what contractions actually feel like. I found it hard to do all this while holding my breath. I had a terrible time as holding my breath made me want to pass out and I could not let out a sound or a grunt due to losing the momentum to push (energy or something with the breath). The midwife wanted me to do it in lots of threes so that we could get the baby out. Oh god, I found it hard just doing one!

After holding my breath I found that I wanted to throw up and they were concerned and I had a sick bag just in case. It did not happen but I felt nauseous and also had a bit of reflux during the whole process of holding my breath to try and get baby out.

During all of this a doctor came in to see how progress was going. I think the midwife wanted the doctor to check in to make sure that we had a backup plan if baby went into distress and needed help to come out. GOSH, now the doctor was talking about forceps and other things…. I hated the salad servers last time and due to the epidural not working I felt everything…. It was like I was being killed. I did not want that ever again.

The doctor left and then the midwife and nurse were talking about cutting me. WHAT THE???? YOU ARE GOING TO DO WHAT NOW?

They said that it would help the baby come out. I said no PLEASE DON’T CUT ME. I ended up negotiating them to give me more time to get the baby out.

I did not want them to cut me. No please no!

They were very keen to give me an episiotomy but I had no idea that is what they were wanting to do. I just did not want to be hurt even more if not needed.

I was so determined to get this baby out now! Hubby said you need to get the baby out. I got angry and just pushed and pushed and pushed. I was nearly passing out due to holding my breath and my acrobatic poses but I was on a mission.

The midwife yelled, wow we see a head full of black hair! Oh gosh, really this baby is going to have darker hair? I thought it would be like the girls and be bald and blonde, but you never know right. We still did not know if it was a boy/girl that was still a surprise. I however knew once I got told the hair colour that it was a boy, I just had a feeling. Strange but true. Hubby said that it could be a girl, but I just had an inkly at this stage that it was a boy.

I kept on pushing and then baby was out and here in the world. The midwife and nurse said that they should have threatened me with the doctor and episiotomy hours ago.

Alexander and I on his birthday
Alexander and I on his birthday

I was lucky that all went well, I could do it all naturally and that I did not get cut! Yes very lucky indeed. Maybe getting angry was the magic ingredient.

In comparison to the twin birth it was much nicer. We only had the midwife a nurse and hubby and myself in the room. With the twin birth we had 2 doctors for each baby, a humidicrib for the baby and about 30 or so trainee doctors it felt. The room was packed and it was crowded. I did not have any stupid things that happened before happen this time. When was about 5cm dilated and in the birthing suite waiting to have the twins I had two doctors come in to tell me it would be great if I could wait till I was 36-38 weeks….talk about stupid! I also had nurses try to give me medicine I did not need after I had the babies and the list continues. This did not happen with the birth of our third child.

I was very upset to not be able to have our last child at Katoomba Hospital but was grateful that the experience was better and nicer than the last. I must say that pushing a person out of you is hard and tough, but the ladies that helped us for the birth of our son made it a more calmer process. So thanks so much to you all. One thing that was a bit weird was that the midwives that helped me had the same names that I had. The night before the baby was born the midwife on duty had the same first name, then there was shift change and the next midwife had my middle name. It was like I was meant to be there. Odd indeed.

What was the birth like for your second or third children? Did the process and what happened differ from your first child?

Was it more of a calmer experience with the second or third child compared to your first? Let us know.

 

Categories
News

Working Through Maternity Leave

I read with interest that Yahoo has hired Marissa Mayer who is expecting her first child soon. I congratulate Yahoo for seeing that pregnancy is not an issue.  However there has been much talk of Ms Mayer’s comment that she is only going to have a couple of week’s maternity leave and that she will work all throughout the leave as well.

Many women take less leave after a baby and this is not news. I for one did not, but I am not in the league of Marissa Mayer in earnings or at the CEO level (I wish I was, maybe one day) Why not continue in your field? Have the good job with a great salary. Men don’t get criticised about working hard when they have a new baby, although they are not the person that has the child or will breastfeed.

I for one don’t have a problem that Ms Mayer is going to work throughout her maternity leave, it is a personal choice. Many women don’t have an option but to work when their kids are babies, the family needs to pay the bills somehow.   Someone that has been successful in work has the ability to hire help, nannies, and carers.

Jill Cordes from Fearless Feisty Mama is questioning if women can truly have it all? I do understand and feel that sometimes we cannot, that we can have the career and then the family and then go back to the career.  It never seems to all happen at the same time, however if I had more money and help maybe I could have both?

Currently I am enjoying looking after my girls, and I would not do it differently, but there are moments where I long for work and wonder what I would be doing and what my position/role would be if I continued in the corporate world.  Would I be a manager? Would my earnings be greater? Who knows, it is a guessing game now as I’m a stay at home mummy to my twins.  As you would have read from previous posts, for me to work would do us a financial disservice, so it is better for me to be home with the kids. Also my work is in the city and we are two hours away, just not a good fit right now. So as stated, home educator/carer is better for now, hoping the work will come later.

While writing this my nearly four year old twins want me to play with them, cuddle them and be with them. It is a hard balance, trying to get some things done for you, and spending time with your little ones. I do enjoy playing with the girls, although it does not get a lot done with the house. This is where a cleaner/nanny would come in handy. I could spend time with the kids while hired staff helps me keep the house. Oh how that would be nice… Universe I am putting it out there, when we get rich I want a housekeeper to help with the house.

Jill Cordes does make a good point that you have ideas on how it will be with the baby and reality never equals your ideas of how it was supposed to be. My girls were good and slept well after 3 months, however during their first three months; I was up every 2-3 hours feeding them. They did sleep well in the first three months, but it was just a blur with no sleep and hard. After the first three months they slept about 12-14 hours a night… thank god for that. What would happen if the baby/babies did not sleep had reflux or some other issue?

A quote from Jill Cordes article: “I worry though, that Mayer could also send a message to the rest of the world that women can push through their maternity leave if they want; that all it takes is “a few weeks.” She could ultimately be hurting the case for the majority of us who actually want to enjoy our babies–and take care of them–before returning to the workforce.”   I hope that others don’t see this as the norm in maternity leave and that some people just would rather to work and have less leave, it should be seen on a case by case basis.  Let’s hope that women don’t get pressured to have shorter leave.

I am sure that when Ms Mayer’s first baby comes she will adapt to the new person in her life and make changes accordingly, as the CEO she will have the ability to make changes to her schedule within reason.

With the idea getting work after kids are at school, not sure how this will work – I hope to be able to do something part time or from home. Maybe setting up a business from home might be the way to go? Well you never know.

I see the point of sticking with your great job, why move if it works for you, and they are flexible with family. If I was Marissa Mayer I would not listen to others about her choice, it is up to her and other women in the same situation. Why feel even guiltier about your choice. It is not for me to judge. Do you believe that other women will get pressured to work and have less maternity leave due to this example? Did you take less maternity leave? Did you work through your maternity leave? What are your thoughts? Send in your comments.

Why not continue this discussion on our facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/MummyToTwinsPlusOne