I Cannot Be 40?


In a couple of months I will turn a year older, however it is a big number birthday this year and it starts with a 4. Yes the dreaded 40 but I don’t feel or think I look 40 so I am pretending I am turning 20 or at the very least 30 again. Have you had this happen to you? The realisation that in age you are getting older but you don’t look or feel old? All very sad indeed.

I am trying to plan my party or a celebration for my birthday however my original thoughts were to have a dinner with a good group of mates has made me think that is a very tame way to celebrate my new age and how I truly feel. I would like to go dancing and have a nice night in town, however it is the issue of getting kids minded, who would join me on said celebration and where would we go? I know sounds easy but hard when most of my mates now might not enjoy a loud night club.

The week before my birthday my hubby has his, then the week after I graduate from university and then after that is my birthday and after my birthday we have our wedding anniversary. So there is lots to celebrate, and that is just us in May. We also have friends birthdays, my Aunty’s birthday and of course my lovely mother in law’s birthday. So it is a big month. I even forgot to include Mother’s Day. Phew, is that it for May? I might have left something out but that is all I can remember. Maybe I have a night out dancing somewhere and then a dinner with others on a different day, as you can see I have multiple things to celebrate so that will not be an issue to find other days. The issue lies with the babysitting with the kids, maybe they can come with, but if it is a late night that might not be a good idea.

I am also quite sad that I don’t have close girlfriends that will be celebrating with me. The ones from school have all gone their separate ways, so my thoughts of celebrating with friends from the past are gone.  My other close friends don’t live close by so that is hard to organise, but will invite anyway.  I know woe is me, but I have been feeling a bit depressed about the whole thing, not majorly but just a bit down in the dumps.

One other thing that has upset me lately is that two of my good friends that have recently turned 40 have gotten ill, yes cancer and I am rather worried as I am about to turn 40 that I might be in store for that as well. I know it is a numbers game, it is down to genetics, or just the luck of the draw (I am sending good healing vibes to them). Understanding all that, it does not make me feel good about this birthday. I am thinking that I need to go and get a health check and some tests done to make sure that I stop worrying. I worry so if the tests can make me feel better then I will not stress about it. Or less than I am doing now.

Have you had issues like this? Some of your friends fall ill? Are they the same age? What did you do for your 40th? I cannot believe I will be 40 it is all so strange. If you are not 40 what would you do for your party? One idea I have is going to a pub in the city called the Art House to do some drawing get dinner and drinks, after that we can then go off dancing somewhere or maybe to another pub? Ideas, what would you do? Remember I have to have the kids babysat so cannot be out too late, I know it is a pity. Maybe I can get someone to mind them on a weekend? Maybe stay in the city? That is a thought?

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