Tomorrow is my birthday. Today is my last day of being 46. I don’t feel 46, and I do wish I wasn’t but the only other fix for that is to not be here at all and I want to live, so being 46 and older is the way it has to go.

I have been thinking for a while about the year I’ve had so far, what I’ve accomplished, and also what was on my wish list.

For many 2020 has been a challenge, mainly from a financial perspective. We had a rough year last year and hoped that this year would allow us to rebuild and to get back on track, however other forces had different ideas about our plans.

Which has been really horrible and I’ve had moments that I have just sat on the floor and cried and cried about being put in a situation that is out of my control and one that I cannot fix and seems like whatever you do, you cannot help yourself out of it…Yes at times it has really felt like a hopeless situation.

Firstly our community was trying to recover from the horrible bush fires, then wild storms and floods, and now a global viral pandemic of COVID-19 that has caused economies worldwide to crash, unemployment to skyrocket and lockdowns to be put in place to stop the spread of this horrible illness.

We have been at home for over two months now and currently, Australia is slowly reducing the restrictions we have been living with for months. Starting next Monday the 25th of May all children in New South Wales go back to face to face lessons. We have had the kids learning from home and it has only been this week the 18th of May and last week on the 11th of May that the girls went to school one day a week, my girl’s day was Monday.

It has been hard to not have your own space.

It has been difficult to not be able to do your own thing and to be helping everyone and have no time for you.

It also has been a very stressful and worrying time. Employment websites have been advertising copious amounts of jobs but they are not employing anyone… or it could be that they are getting so many applications that it appears like no one is getting anywhere at all.

I did tell you that 2019 wasn’t great either. One thing that happened was hubby had a car accident which meant we had to get a brand new car. This was an expense we were saving for but hadn’t planned to do it at the time in which the accident happened. Then hubby’s contract for work came to an end in November last year, and it is hard to find a job that close to Christmas, then, of course, the bushfires and storms.

We thought not to worry we will be right come 2020, we will both look for work and get amazing jobs and work super hard to get us back where we want to be this year.

This is where the universe was laughing at us but told us nothing at the time.  A little heads up would have been good, but knowing what I now know I think it wouldn’t have mattered if we were told in advance.

COVID-19 then happened and this meant no one was hiring, our savings was nearly empty and we were worried and panicking about how we would survive.

While hubby was looking for a new contract he was doing some Ubering… yes due to having a new car he could be an Uber driver. This helped a little but due to the tough restrictions put in place due to COVID this work has dried up too.

He has done odd jobs, mowing, and more to keep money coming in. I have been writing articles and doing a few hours a week as a social media marketer and keeping the blog running.  Plus not to mention having 3 kids home full time until recently, our youngest started back at care last week since his big sisters are going back to school.

Like many people, we have had to put payments on hold, and many other things. I am not looking forward to paying it all back but grateful we have had assistance to help us at this horrible time.

I have been applying for any job that I can do and putting my hand up for more work, and of course, staying up late to get things done due to never getting time alone to complete any task. Perils of being a mum with no time alone!

So with my birthday soon to be here it has made me think…. what do I want, what do I want to achieve and how can I get there?

It has also made me appreciate life, being well and safe with family.  I have valued seeing my kids grow and learn at home, and have some quality time. No racing off to be somewhere has also been a nice luxury during isolating at home and one that I will miss.

Although this time with family has been very stressful for a multitude of reasons it has made me grateful that we have all stayed well and we all have a roof over our heads.

During this time it has made me think of my friends that I wish were still here. One dear friend died five years ago and my other bestie left us two years ago this year. I miss them so much, I do wish they were still here to talk to and in fact, I still chat to them sometimes. My friends were only a year older than I was, so not that old when they left everyone and losing people young is hard (well they were in their forties but I consider this young).

I did think that if my friends were still here they might have got ill with Covid-19 and this wouldn’t have been good. They had a comprised immune system and would have had to be in isolation but still attend doctors appointments and hospitals….so, therefore, might have had a good chance of contracting the virus, I do want them back so badly but during this crazy time with an illness that threatens you, I am glad they were not here to experience it at all.

Due to losing my mates, I have been more diligent about my health. I am a mother to three young children and I am very aware that I need to be here to provide for my family in the years to come.

I know this is meant to be a post about my birthday and my thoughts… it really doesn’t feel much like my birthday, maybe it is just the current climate that has made this so.

We still cannot go out to dinner as a family, nearly all the cafes and restaurants are still closed and only doing takeaways. If we did go somewhere there is nowhere to sit and to just be other than a park. It is getting very cold here in the mountains and I really don’t want to be outside in the freezing weather, this for me is not that enjoyable, actually if we all were hundled in a park and it was super cold for me it would be a horrible day. So eating food in the cold on my birthday is not going to happen.

We cannot go to the movies, however, I would love to do some DIY and clothes shopping but the lack of money at the moment is the issue.  Maybe I can figure out the costs and do a little bit to put a smile on my face when kids are finally at school.

Being in isolation has made me re-evaluate some work I’ve been planning, think of new ideas, and make plans for this year.

The one big thing I really want to do is to travel. I want to take the kids overseas to visit America, Disneyland, Japan, Osaka, plus Harry Potter World, Fiji, Singapore, New Zealand, Spain, and Canada.  I know that international travel is probably not happening any time soon and some places are still not doing well due to the pandemic.  I still want to go but only when it is safe to do so.

Maybe domestic travel will have to do once the borders to the states are all opened. I’m sure a nice family getaway on a Queensland Island Resort would just be perfect right now.

So back to my birthday wishes and plans for my 47th year on this earth.

I would like to be able to have more time to do things I like to do, time out, and help around the house.

Time to plan my empire to hopefully buy my dream house at the beach – yes purchased all with cash from the sales from my amazing work and adventures.

And not to mention being left to sleep in and not woken at odd hours in the night and early morning – maybe this could be someone else’s job for a while.

Slowly it is feeling like our world in Australia might be getting back to normal or maybe a new normal and this is something that I am looking forward to.  A chance to build us all up again, save some money, pay off bills, and maybe take the family on a much needed holiday. We all desperately need to go somewhere to just relax, be somewhere to just be, and to be looked after.  Hopefully, soon I can make this a reality.

Due to my birthday falling in the period of time that many places are still closed our celebrations will be at home. The twins are planning on creating a birthday cake for me and I have explained that I am not cooking dinner tomorrow so this needs to be sorted also.

I’m keen to enjoy the love and cuddles tomorrow and to eat the surprise birthday cake that the kids are planning.  Plus unwrap any birthday presents that I have to open.

My mum gave me some money to put towards a new haircut which I have been desperate to have. Late last year I was wanting to get a new do at the hairdresser’s but decided to wait as I thought we needed the money, then disaster hit in the new year and hairdressers were closed and then I still had no money. I should have just spent the cash last year and had it done.  Now to find a brilliant place to get pampered and get a new look to make me feel fabulous.

In all honesty, the one present that would have made me super happy was for my shed/office to be finally completed.

Yes, dear readers, it has now been over 3 years waiting for this DIY project to be finished and it is still not done!

The aim of this space is to use it for an office and craft room for me and the blog. I want to bring my sewing machine, materials, craft supplies, and more out there so that I can set up projects and leave them and come back later. Currently, projects don’t happen due to not having any space and needing to pack things up due to kids. It is annoying and not practical to work like this.

Other plans for the shed is to create my own podcast, have it as a quiet spot to write and to plan, and a spot to finally hang some of my art.  Basically a She Shed.

I think when I have a little bit more cash I will hire someone to just finish it off…then it will be done and I can do more work, have a happier workspace, and finally not have to ask someone to do it.

What have you wanted for your birthday?

Has it changed this year due to being in isolation?

Have you spent some time re-evaluating what you want this year?

P.S. I think hubby and I have done pretty well to be surviving so far, and crossing fingers and toes we will not just be surviving but enjoying the fruits of our hard work soon. We have struggled both to create incomes to provide for the kids and ourselves and are solidering on each day. I am sure everyone is in a similar situation and our story is not unique. I salute all of you for struggling in this hard time and I hope that it all comes to an end soon and things are easier for all.

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