IVF – Mummy To Twins Plus One

Having kids is not just a woman’s issue!

In the news the other day there was an article announcing the perfect age a woman should have children. The article said that you need to start trying to get pregnant before the age of 30. Yes you heard that right.

The article puts all the emphasis onto women. It does take two to make a baby and men are part of this issue as well. Why are men not being mentioned or told to consider having kids earlier as well? They have issues with age as well and both men and women can have fertility issues when older. It is not just down to the woman to organise all this on her own.

I must say that men before 30 generally are not thinking of babies and the same for women. Some do and that is great, but others are out building a career, studying and the big thing that no one has mentioned is that the women that are being told to race off and have babies probably has not met the right partner to do this with yet. What do you do if you have not met the one yet?

I met my husband in my early twenties but we did not have kids till I was in my mid 30’s. We had a good life, I studied, worked at great jobs and was building my career. We did not want to have babies without firstly being married, having a house and enough money to allow one person to be out of work while looking after kids.

I find it rather interesting that the whole focus is on the woman and not looking at men as well. I did float the idea of having kids earlier but due to hubby wanting to make sure we were married first it got delayed. We waited a while to get married. I think we liked the idea of a long engagement and making sure it all went well.

Girls and women have so many more choices now than to instantly get married and be a mother. You can be a career woman and then a mother, and also both at the same time. I know that doctors are making sure that we are aware that our window of fertility will not last forever and of course if you wish to have children it is a good idea to think about when that might happen. However if you have not met your mate yet, how are you to get busy making the next generation?

Boys need to be taught that they need to look at this issue seriously as well. Women don’t need to take the whole responsibility for fertility for a couple, kids and family. It is something that a couple should do together, not a woman on her own.

When is there going to be high profile articles about men talking about not to delay fatherhood?

I do think that it is easy to think you have plenty of time and I thought that too. As said I was telling hubby that I wanted to have kids and that I did not want to wait. I even suggested having a kid before marriage! Yes this was terrible to mention to him. Oh well… we were lucky that we got married, and the kids did come.

One thing I did make sure to do with hubby when he was still the boyfriend: I made sure he wanted to have kids eventually. I did not want to be with someone that did not want children. It was important to me and if he did not agree then I told him that I could not date him. It sounds terrible to say, but you don’t want to be in a long term relationship and think that they share your views and thoughts, but only to wake up one day and realise that they never wanted children, But you do!

It is tough to figure out how you fit it all in. Kids, life, work and so on. It just works out whatever age you have children. Things just work out. You cope, you make do and you manage. I do think it wise not to leave it too late to have kids but the tough part was the timing with the partner and making sure they were on board with the next steps. If it was all down to women and we could have kids by ourselves then we can fixate on just them.

However I feel that part of the issue is that men are not on the same page as their partners or as said before you have not met the person who will father your children yet, and who knows when that will be.

What do you think? Do you think that men need to be part of this issue?

Do you think that it needs to be part of boys/girls education to understand about fertility and not leaving it too late if you wish to have kids? I do!

Women should not be the only sex that deals with this issue.

Leave a comment and let us know your thoughts.

Did we use IVF? None of your beeswax

Many people assume if you have twins you must have had IVF. Worse still, total strangers think it is perfectly fine to ask you to confirm just how your children’s conception came about.

Friends who are “older” – including those without twins – complain about attracting the same curiosity from people they barely know.

And same sex couples (“who is the father/mother?”).

The answer oh curious stranger is, “none of your business!”

Cute little baby. Who cares how you were conceived you are wonderful and beautiful.

Perhaps when I receive such questions, I should respond in kind by asking the stranger if he/she had sex to have their child/ren? Maybe I could throw in some other up close and personal curly questions such as their medical history and maybe what they earn?

For the record, I never answer questions about how our girls were conceived.

The reasons are simple.

I don’t want to set up a “natural versus assisted conception” thing
It is not just my story to tell – it’s a story shared by my family
And It just doesn’t matter

Do you get asked if you used IVF? Would you feel okay asking a complete stranger if they had to have medical intervention to have their kids?

Why would I share such intimate details with a complete stranger? I don’t see any benefit in having this discussion.

Of course I would have to be living on another planet not to know couples that have used IVF due to one or both parents having an issue with fertility, or one parent having a congenital issue they don’t want to pass on or because they are a same sex couple in need of an egg or sperm. Or for whatever reason. There is certainly no shame in taking advantage of the wonders of medical science but it is damn personal stuff.

I sympathised with Nicole Kidman when she was forced to justify to millions of strangers all over the world her use of the term “gestational carrier”. Sure it sounded a little unusual but I think she was just saying, “hey this baby is my precious child and the technology involved is not the focus”.

It does not matter how you conceived your children as long as they are here, happy and nurtured. Whether the journey started with fours years of trying, one night of passion, or IVF, AI, GIFT or whatever is irrelevant.

It is no one’s business but yours. If you choose to tell family or friends that’s up to you. In my book, being asked by a stranger how you conceived your kids is just weird.

Have other parents of multiple birth children encountered such a question? Are we particular magnets for such inquiries or have single bub parents heard them too? Maybe the assumption is that all twins and triplets are IVF babies? Hey, prior to the first IVF bubs being born in 1978 people did have twins and triplets you know.

Has the frequent use of reproduction technology created a new social acceptance about quizzing people about how their much loved children came about?

When is there going to be high profile articles about men talking about not to delay fatherhood?

What do you think? Do you think that men need to be part of this issue?

Do you think that it needs to be part of boys/girls education to understand about fertility and not leaving it too late if you wish to have kids? I do!

Do you get asked if you used IVF? Would you feel okay asking a complete stranger if they had to have medical intervention to have their kids?

It is no one’s business but yours. If you choose to tell family or friends that’s up to you. In my book, being asked by a stranger how you conceived your kids is just weird.

Let us know your thoughts. Why not continue the discussion on our Facebook and Twitter pages.