Alexander is now eleven weeks old. Yes soon to be three months old, Oh how that has flown by already.
As anyone with a newborn knows you get up multiple times at night and feed, settle, cuddle, and of course change nappies. I also wash up bottles so that we have more for the next feeds. Lately the baby has taken to waking up at 2.30 or say 2am to want more food. I change his nappy and get him the milk and then feed him. He then falls asleep and then I put him to bed after some lovely morning cuddles.
Alexander then wakes again at 4am. He is screaming the place down so I do all the normal things, change his nappy and get more milk ready for the next feed. However it is this time that he decides that he is not hungry and just wants cuddles with mummy. I was snug and asleep in my bed before he screeched to what I thought was a hungry cry, but turned out that he just wanted cuddles. This is lovely but to wake up to give someone cuddles seems a bit annoying. I love the cuddles but I do LOVE my sleep and to wake up to then have to fall asleep again in the living room is a bit annoying to say the least.
I do try again to feed him but he pushes the bottle away and is content to just be cuddled. I fall asleep on the lounge as well as the baby. Hours pass and I finally wake to realise that I have been sleeping with my neck and body in an odd position. No wonder my body is out of sorts and everything hurts.
I sit in the living room looking around at all the things yet to be done and think about all the other things around the house that have to be done or have not been done or even thought of or even started. Gosh I’m exhausted just thinking about it all!
Why can’t I just sit and cuddle the baby?
Why do I have to get up and get stuff for people?
It is annoying that I have to leave the house but I do. Dropping kids at school and picking them up and of course all the after school activities that the girls go to. All I wanted to do was to stay in the house with my PJ’s on and just cuddle and be with Alexander.
During these early morning moments I have thought why can’t I be more in the moment? I love the cuddles, giggles and raspberries that Alex is doing but I still find myself drawn to all the other things that need my attention. Maybe this is due to having kids already? When I had the twins I had no pressure to be anywhere, I did not have kids before the twins so I could have the cuddles and just stay at home if I wished to. Now with older children it is hard to impossible to stay at home.
In the early weeks mums at the kids school commented on how it was great that I was getting out and about. It was nice to hear and I of course would have rather have stayed at home, but with kids at school I had to venture out. I suppose it was good that the kids made me go out with the baby but that quiet time just snuggling with your new baby is so nice and a pity that I have to get up to do the more boring things, like cleaning, shopping, clothes washing and more.
Also with older kids the house is much noisier than before. When the twins were babies I tried to have things super quiet when they were sleeping. I would even put notes on the front door in case of deliveries. Yes I was trying to make sure that who ever knocked on the door knew to be quiet or less noisy than they would be normally. I of course have not done the note on the front door this time, not due to not thinking about it but just due to never getting around to do it, and thinking about sleep rather than writing notes.
Did you find that due to other kids and commitments that you are not enjoying the lovely moments of the new baby as much as you would like? Let us know.
I need to just learn to switch off and to let go. I know it is hard but I need to. I think from the state of my house you would think that I have done just that, but I have been trying to tidying and sort things but it is always hard with a new baby. I get some things sorted and then have to leave it to be with the baby, then off course I don’t get back to the pile of clothes to fold and put away. Then I have to pick kids up from school, take them to after school activities and then when home do homework, dinners and more! Yes…. I think that is about it.
Letting go about now sounds good after reading all that I need to do!