One of the downsides to having two kids at once is the fact that you are one person. There are times that both children want to be on your lap and don’t want the other child to be there. This then causes fights, pushing, scratching and you guessed it a full melt down with tears and screaming. I must admit that this is hard and upsetting as you want to cuddle both, but also spend some quality time with each child.
So how do you handle moments like this? Well I personally end up with both kids on my lap, and then it ends up changing between one and the other. This is due to the fact that one might come and go, so this gives me the ability to just have one sitting with me. Although there are moments when I have had to say, “I am sorry, mummy is one person and she can cuddle both of you, or you can take turns”, this was not understood early on, but I think it might be know the girls are older.
Today is a prime example of the girls not wanting to share me, I had Julia on my lap and then Lillian wanted to have a cuddle as well. They were both jostling for position, and pushing the other out of the way. It is nice to feel so loved, however it makes me sad that I cannot have more quality time with each child.
When my husband is around, in the evenings and weekends, the girls are able to have more one on one time with each of us. I don’t think they want for this kind of attention, but there are times when they are both extra cuddly and demand it. There are also moments when one child is more inclined to be with me while the other is off doing other things, this is good as you can spend that time with one child, and not have the fights for your attention. I suppose this is one of the perils of having twins and being a mother to them. It is a hard balance.
The girls have done some different things with mummy and daddy lately and I feel that this is helping them. Here are some suggestions for dealing with being each child for one on one time:
- When one of you pops out to run errands take one child and the other stays with the other parent/carer
- Day care for one child so you can have time with the other child and then vice versa for the other child. My girls like to be together and separating them would be devastating for them, so we have not done this. They are extremely close. We are hoping that with school and different interests this might change.
- Have an interest that you and the child share, a sport/hobby.
- If you have friends/relatives that lend a helping hand this is great, this way you can see if you can have some time with one child and switch next time.
- Giving your child a break from their sibling is a good idea, as this helps them develop. It is also good ideas as my girls are always together, I am sure that this causes arguments. You want a break from people so why not your children as well.
- The time alone or away from the other child creates privacy and allows the child to be unique. As my girls are identical this is very important for me. We are trying to foster more time like this. Although it is hard when I am on my own all week, and only have help in the evening and on the weekends.
Some websites that might be of help:
- Twins & Multiples: Tips for Quality One-On-One Time
- Going One-On-One, Finding Ways to Give Your Multiples Individual Attention
- Ideas for Finding One on One Time With Each of Your Twins
- Spending time with one twin at a time – Babycenter forum
How do you manage to get one on one time with your twins? It does not need to be just twins; maybe you had kids close together and have the same issue? Send in your tips and tricks so we can all learn.
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